Thursday, July 7, 2005

The Happy Single People?!

Sunday's Chicago Tribune Magazine's cover is entitled "I'm Single, I'm Happy, Get Off My Back." In the article "The Great Un-Wed" the author Michael Austin, 38 yrs old talks about how he agrees "40 is the new30" and marriage is just not something he is worried about right now. He talks about all the wonderful reasons why he is glad he is not married: being able to travel, eat the same food over & over again (this is a good thing?) on & on. His article does not have much depth to it. He does not put much critical thought to this subject. He finds only the good in being single & does not mention ANY negatives. In addition, he does not see all the wonderful things in marriage but rather the restrictions (lack of travel etc). I'm sure there are many marriages/familiees who do travel if they make that a priority.

He does not mention what he may miss in a marriage. I've never been married, but even so, I do know how still hearing my niece giggle down the hallway makes me smile. I don't have that when I'm living by myself. Her hug & kiss is worth trading for a trip to some exotic location. To watch her sleep peacefully, see the wonder at new things she has not experienced..etc, etc, etc. And to be able to feel the connection of spirit with the person who created this life with you it is certainly something quite lovely. I'm not saying other things in life are not as lovely perhaps but don't disregard it.

Now I'm not saying being single is not nice also, or that one HAS to get married by any means!!!! I'm also not saying that those who want to stay single couldn't write an article about why & it would be fine, but that wasn't his case. He mentions a friends who does feel this way - she should of wrote an article. He just says, ya, I'm single, I'd like to be married maybe one day but I'm ok if I'm not now...GREAT...Big Deal!

They do mention more & more people are staying single until later in life, which was no surprise with more people delaying marriage until after college & getting a career going. They have 8 people's pictures with their "best part of being single..." You know almost all of their responses could be true of being married! Heck, even the most ridiculous like "having the toilet seat down & drinking out of the carton" certainly could still be within a marriage! You know those two are really not top on my list why I am not married! Man!

Another section "Singular Viewpoints" has 4 people with a bit more depth. One women, LIsa Shames,  says "a piece of paper shouldn't dictate that they will be (together)." I don't know anyone who thinks it is really the piece of paper that does? I don't think it is the piece of paper who makes people stay. And apparently that piece of paper doesn't keep some? I think she is really missing the point of what the piece of paper represents...but then again...what do I know...I've never been married.

The next guy, Chris Thorpe, says "he is not ready to be married yet." What do you need to be ready? Is there a check-list? Somehow I missed that? He likes his space & alone time, to get up early & exercise....anyone out there that is married who can't do these things? Would I really lose this if I did get married. Ok, some changes especially with children in the picture, but can you make this happen still...I could swear there are some out there that still do this. Mr. Thorpe says "I don't consider it a flaw that I'm not married", well I agree with that, but I do know some do think that way. He says he leads a "very normal life". There he is...the one man who is normal....lets go visit & see what that actually looks like! Ha! I mean what is "normal" and if everyone else is not leading a life like him, then is he still normal? Ha! I will give him some points for being fairly attractive! :-)

Now Malina Lee, 31 yrs old has some good points. She is independent & self-sufficient and gets grilled from her extended family at parties...I can relate! She talks about many of her friends getting married before they know what they really want out of life or settle. Perhaps this enlightens the divorce rates.

Now Kip Kelley, 78 yrs old,  is a widow after 35 yrs of marriage and is happy with his single life. Who is going to make him get married again if he is doing well? He loved being married and having children. He worked hard, raised children and he still is open to being married again. He seems like he understands both sides.

Finally, an article by Alison Neumer, "The Big Leap" and about shoving a ring 2 sizes too small on her finger because she wanted to be married so much yet also had doubts & worried having them. She has some interesting thoughts:

"It's simplistic to see marriage as the romantic destiny for those without a shred of doubt; however, it's equally facile to see it as some inexorable development for inert, lazy couples. Too Static.

If, as I'm told, marriage is a process, that choices every day determine its course....But I know its better this way. The idea of a resilient relationship that gets tested, maybe even fractures, then mends itself whole again is much more thrilling. A constant cycle of improvement, a full life spectrum."

Ugh, I think the Tribune people really missed out on this. It could have been better focused & much more interesting if they had.

No comments: