Sunday, July 30, 2006

See I Don't Think Too Much!

The Stupid Quiz said I am "Pretty Smart!" How stupid are you? Click here to find out!
Overall, you scored as follows:

79% scored higher (more stupid),
4% scored the same, and
17% scored lower (less stupid).

What does this mean? You are 17% stupid. This means...

You are far from stupid. Congrats on a great accomplishment!

Stupidity Score Requirements

Status Needed Score
??? 0 - 9
Pretty Smart 10 - 24
Fairly Smart 25 - 39
Smart, but Stupid 40 - 59
A Little Stupid 60 - 79
Stupid 80 - 89
??? 90 - 94
??? 95 - 100

Ok, where is that person who told me "I Think Too Much" HA! See I'm not that smart! Ok, so only 17% less stupid than me but that means I'm not the smarty pants you thought I was! HA! Maybe I just think too much "for you" ha! Can't get away with what you think you can! That may be the problem...or maybe you thought you would not still be the superman you thought then...well I don't think that would have been a problem at all, but I know egos can be fragile besides women play dumb sometimes Ha! :-) I love that scene in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" when they play dumb with Tula's dad to to get her to work in the Travel Agency HA! And don't even tell me that guys don't play dumb...PLEEZ! Besides, why do guys think they are not that smart...geez....give yourself more credit! And when you think about it...what does that really matter beyond a certain level...I mean what is the MOST IMPORTANT part?! ;-)

I do wish they told you which questions you got wrong & gave you the correct answers....ugh the eternal high need for achiever! HA! But doesn't it drive you crazy when you don't know & how can you learn from your mistakes if they don't? Sorry, the prof in me! HA!

Saturday, July 29, 2006

This Foot is NOT made for walking! Ugh!

AHHHHHHH! Yes, that is a SCREAM! My toes & foot sticking out from the soft cast are so big they are about twice the size of  my other foot! I drove 1 1/2 hrs, sat in class for like 7 hours & then I start walking on it & it goes nuts! I'm barely doing anything. Burning feeling, pain, pulling feeling, where doesn't it hurt! I want to take this soft cast off & see what is going on inside it. I even started taking my 600mg of Motrin & some Tylenol the last two days. At least my last Psych class on WWII was great. I really like this prof. I'm going to look what else he offers. I have another paper to write but I'll do it Mon. Well, tomorrow hopefully it will get a bit of rest. Heading up to the folks in the afternoon so I can lounge around there & relax. Monday Dr. Z. can look at my foot & see what he thinks.
I was just watching the 2nd half of Must Love Dogs. Yummy John! Man is he tall! And I love that dog! I want to get one so bad. Dusty says no though! Too small of a place he says.

You know watching the movie made me wonder how many chances does one get? I mean if you are meant to be together will you get another chance? What do you think? I like the idea they talk about where your heart expands each time a relationship ends to help you really with the next one. Hmmm? On that note I think I should go to sleep. Didn't get much sleep last night & had to get up early to head down for my class. Long day & well maybe I'll dream about this! HA!

Friday, July 28, 2006

Now Barkely Wants To Be A Role Model...Pfft!


Ok, before everyone starts yelling I'm not saying anything about Barkley's accomplishments in sports...that is all fine & good BUT I find it quite hysterical that the man who was on TV yelling at everyone that he should not be considered a role model for kids but rather their parents should be NOW wants to run for political office exclaiming....

"I really believe I was put on Earth to do more than play basketball and stockpile money," said Barkley, known as the Round Mound of Rebound. "I really want to help people improve their lives, and what's left is for me to decide how best to do that."

So all of a sudden the man wants to be a role model! RIGHT! Should have thought of that sooner buddy! I know "some people's" lightbulb goes on much later in life (and some goes off!) but I just don't know about any sudden transformation happening to him. You sure this wasn't just some goofy idea that came up one day drinking or gambling? Hey, ya, if you are governor of Alabama you might be able to change some laws in your favor! Hmmm!

I also find interesting is his NEW REVELATION....

Barkley continued to identify himself as a Republican until recently, when he switched parties. "I was a Republican until they lost their minds," he said earlier this month.

What did they do against him? Hmmm? What does he feel they lost their minds about? How Democratic is he if he does believe in Republican ideas but just feels the Party has gone crazy somehow?
So what do you think? I'm just not seeing Barkley as qualified to govern a whole state! Where are the previous experience? What qualifications does he feel he has? You don't see MIKE running for IL? I'll be he would win though! Hmmm? :-) Especially for who the choices are in IL this time around! You think you can put in that one can have the day off to go to sporting events? That may be one advantage. Of course season ticket holders would make out but hey good way to get more season ticket holders! HA!

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Response to Why Men Cheat...Rebuke The World

Ok, a psych professor not commenting on this...that would be torturing me! Ha! This is turning into quite a lengthy response so I'll respond here. (No lie! That is the song that is playing while I write this! HA!)

I'm responding to "DAILY NEWS: Why men cheat? What the experts don't know and what a superior should learn"

At first, you were going along & I was agreeing & then all of a sudden I was getting confused. Let me explain. First you say that cheating is a matter of integrity & then you say men can't be faithful due to hormones & that women cause it because they are not satisfying men? Also a side note, we are finding more & more woman are cheating lately. They still do not admit to it as much because of the old double standard. Interesting, if it is a hormone issue you would find age differences on this. If true, maybe we should wait until a certain age for men to get married or but then that is a problem for women! HA!  
Now it is true hormones do change as you say, and like you, being a woman also in her 40s I TOTALLY understand what you mean! I don't know how many times I've said to my friends in the last few years "Man, I know what 19 yr old men feel like now!" HA!  I also discuss with my students why the young woman & older man & older woman & younger man is best fit from a hormonal stand point! Think about it.

Now, when you started to talk about "cause" this logic would be like if you said "Someone caused me to rape her by how she behaved" or "Someone caused me to kill them" or "A child caused me to molest them by what they were wearing". You just can't use that argument/logic. You did mention "restraint" and integrity. We are not robots & do not have control over our behavior totally. True, hormones & other chemicals in our body do effect us! Like diabetes or Schizophrenia or Post Partum Depression etc but those are more extremes & not the common person's level of hormones. In fact, you didn't mention other chemicals, for example Prozac, blood pressure meds (both men & women) etc can reduce libido but hey maybe that is the solution just give everyone a pill to even out the hormones at all ages...ha! There are many reasons why one may not want to have sex & we should also respect that & not just a high libido. This is the difference between a "relationship" and just a "sex partner". Both sides of the hormone libido issue can be worked with & love & compassion needs to be factored in here.

And this was the other point you missed...a relationship that is healthy should be based on is a partnership. You didn't bring up the difference between making love & just lustful sex also. There is so much for this topic. Communication is the key. It can be what kind of sex one wants etc. I remember an interview Barbara Walters did with Chris & Dana Reeves where she asked if they had a sex life still. Like the woman had any right to even ask! Ugh! They laughed & said of course. You know with the just hormone idea or ability idea one could say well Chris' injury caused Dana to cheat & it is excusable because she is in her 40s & has a realy high libido! Bull Hockey! HA! This is were a relationship & love is the key. Yes, the Intimacy...which I have to keep reminding my students is not just SEX! Ugh! Sex & making love is not just intercourse! You make love with everything you do for your mate. We don't all think of it this way but when you take out the trash (EITHER PARTNER!!) for the other, when you surprise them with something they like, when you let them sleep a bit longer & take out the dog for them ETC!!!! you are making love!

Now this brings me to another point missed...COMMUNICATION! Communication is the vital part of ANY part of the relationship. Chances are if a couple is having problems with communicating it is effecting EVERY part of their relationship & not just in bed. This is the key. You mentioned intimate satisfaction but this is not just sex. When either partner speaks lovingly to their partner & communicates their love in so many different ways (like I just mentioned above) then you feel the love & bond & wantto be close to each other, especially physically! Again, this doesn't have to be sex. My folks  at 67 & 66 yrs of age still sleep like spoons in a full size bed...if you are not able to communicate in a healthy way you are not going to be able to hold on to each other...thus the old couch situation! HA! Makes you wonder about King beds...separating too far from each other...hmmm. And this is when one has a healthy sexual relationship well into old age as my mom reminds me...yes at 40 I still don't want to always hear about hers! HA! If you are angry about a partner not calling that they would be late from work or that they let the kids do something then you are not going to want to make love or have sex. Other parts of a relationship effect the sexual part. Every part is important.

ADD: I just thought of an example! I don't know how many men will open the door for me & then go through it & let it close for their wife behind! UGH! In contrast I'll see couples in their 70s or 80s holding hands, kissing or husbands still calling their wife "my bride" or "my girl" see the difference!

I've always said, when two people are angry they should have to communicate by sitting on the floor & one is inside the others legs & the one in back is holding the one inside. The one in the back is talking first. Then you switch. Hard to be angry & yell when you are communicating in a loving embrace. Of course discussing things in a hot tub might help relax you too, but it could make you more "heated" HA! Again, it all depends what you goal is! Is this a person you love & thus you don't want hurt. I know always easier said than done. I've felt so bad myself for getting upset with a few men in my past when I've felt hurt by them...ahhh the go to your respected corners for a bit can also be worth it for 10 min and then come back & talk.

Some say "Relationships require work" an others say "It should be that hard to work on". It is work, meaning you have to attend to it but it should not feel like "work" you should WANT to do it because IT FEELS GOOD! It is like I tell my students, if you think of it as "School or Homework" then you will not want to do it. For me I LOVED learning! I would read ahead & want to do anything that others would consider homework...ok so that was for psych & maybe not physics is like now...I'm taking courses on Psych & WWII & the instructor is mentioning resources. We were only required to read 1 book or watch a movie for the 1st class. I've watched all 11 hours of the Band of Brothers, Tom Selleck's movie IKE & I've bought like 10 books already! I just can't get enough of it & that is what it should be like when you love the person. At first it may be more of a physical thing when you first meet them but later it is everything, you just can't get enough of them & for the WHOLE SPIRIT!

Geez...I'm starting to sound like Dr. Phil! YIPES! Maybe a mix of some other spiritual guru too! HA! Dang, I think I need to take a cold shower! HA! You men drive me crazy! (That could be a good thing you know!) ;-)

Ok, just some thingsto think about...what I was thinking...I'll go for now but reserve my right to add or clarify myself depending on how others interpret this. And yes, I'll remind myself by reading this from time to time! HA!

STOP...Lalala I'm Not Listening!

STOP, STOP, STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not even finished with teaching summer school & they have all the Back to School supplies & clothese etc out in the stores! UGH!!!! (Ok, so I bought my niece a few butterfly folders & my sis some polar bear stuff, but that was only because I thought it might be gone if I waited...don't you just hate those retailers who are relying on that!) 

I want to still enjoy the summer & relax! I am done next Friday & have 2 weeks off & then I go back for In-Service! UGH!

Dr. Z. better get this foot fixed! I want to still dance the rest of my summer! Unfortunately, it is doing worse! Ugh! 

Where is my Knight in Shining Armor to take me away to some secluded beach to relax with?! Sniff Sniff  ;-)


Saturday, July 22, 2006

The Woodpeckers Have To Go

Well, still not doing too great. Foot is not cooperating. Had to call Dr. Z. already Friday. Today not good. May have to go in Mon (a week early). I know he is probably going to put me in a cast but what can I do if I can't even walk on it without pain anyway. Hard to keep me down. Just the thought of 2 yrs now & still it is not working like it should & letting me be "ME!" Ugh!  I think he already knew he was going to have to. He tries to go slow with me because I don't take it well. At least he can say he tried & I can realize it is really the best for me. So what color should I get if I have to? I had hot pink last summer, and purple I think too. He usually takes them off every 2 weeks & sees how it is & puts a new one on. Last time it was 9 weeks! Ugh! I think this time it isn't the same thing though. He said it was the tendon coming down my leg & attaching to my heel. That is why I have the tarsal tunnel syndrome. But then it is also feeling like it is tearing with the muscle they repaired...I don't know I'll ask him when I go in & get back to you.

I have a lot to journal on but I'm not sure where to start & it may be a bit out of order when I do but that is how my whole family has been since Steve died. Well, I'll start with dad sent it to me & I couldn't stop laughing when I saw the pix! Enlarge see better! Good to start laughing!

Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah's Ark...

1.  Don't miss the boat. 

 Remember that we are all in the same boat.

3. Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.

4. Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.

5. Don't listento critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.

6. Build your future on high ground.

7. For safety  sake, travel in pairs.

8. Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs. 

9. When you're stressed, float a while. 

9. Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.

10. No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Some Fun Because I Really Need A Distraction

I just love this song...reminds me of summer always! I still remember it being played at our community pool when I grew up! Ahhhhh...

Ok, I got this from Robin & I need to just have a distraction now since last weeks sadness is really lingering. I'll post on it later but right now I can't. My whole family is just devistated.

1.Have you ever been searched by the cops? 

"no, but I once knew a cop I would have loved to have search me...cuff me too."

This was actually Robin's response & this probably explains why I like her would be my response TOTALLY!!!! ;-) Actually I can think of 2 of them! (I'm soooooo bad!) And there are quite a few I've seen on the road that should not be allowed out there. They are suppose to prevent accidents not cause them by being a sexual distraction! HA!

2. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters?

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! I'm always in the first car with my shoes off! It is awesome on Vertical Velocity when you hang there for a few seconds! HA! Of course roller coasters thrills is what got my foot in trouble soooo, but I'm going for the first time since my injury on Wed. Cross your fingers. I figured I can sit on a bench if I have to & see the shows & that will help. It is a Dental event so the whole family is going  to see our friends & considering last weeks events, family has even more top priority now!

3. When's the last time you've been sledding?

Sledding? Well, I don't remember that? I guess as a kid. One of my friends had a hill in her backyard & there would be like 30 kids always there even if they were not home. We never ask just went! HA! My folks did have an 6 person tobaggon & we had these tobaggon runs like 5 minutes from our house. We had a blast. My baby brother was in front the first time & after we went down the first time & were heading back up to go again he told my dad "This time I'm going to keep my eyes open!" HA! Now I did go skiing about 6 yrs ago...I think the winter before I injured my foot. Bang the back of my head pretty bad...don't anyone say "That explains alot" because my neurologist check my MRI & says my brain is perfectly normal so PFFFT! I know sue her for malpractice then! HA! Anyway, I love sledding & making snowmen & snow angels....maybe my foot will cooperate & I can next winter. We didn't get much snow last winter. Have to get those Eskimo boots to keep my feet toasty...maybe a nice fire afterwards....where is that cop with the cuffs from #1 HAAAA!

4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone? 

Depends on if I want to get some sleep or some action. LOL! 

This too was Robin's response & YEP I agree...but it did say Sleep so hmmm depends I suppose of why I'm needing the sleep. I like to snuggle (spoons) but I do tend to turn all night so? I guess if we turn in unison! Ha! I think lately with last week it would be more likely with someone....need all the moments you can and the love & tenderness.

5. Do you believe in ghosts?

Depends what you are considering "a ghost"...the spooky kind...heck no! Do I believe our loved one's spirits are with us...I would say a bit. Not huge like the goofy guy on tv but you will catch me saying "Ok, Grandma" when something drops off the counter that had absolutely no reason to fall etc. I suppose a bit like the movie "Ghost" remember. At least I leave the possiblity because God can do anything right.  

6. Do you consider yourself creative?

I'd say yes. I never thought I was, I mean I can't draw! You should see the stick figure rats I draw from my students...actually I got a graphic because they were so pathetic but I am as far as creative ideas for my students. Especially when I'm treadmilling or biking...I come up with lost of ideas. My students will say, "You've been biking haven't you" when I come in with something new. I also like to I have this thing for hanging things from ceilings in corners. 3 of my rooms have them. I'll have to add some pictures later. I like getting creative with my powerpoints & website and giving presents etc. I did find this puzzle for my niece's b-day & I'm going to have her & grandpa do it & then glue it & I'll frame it & put in my 2nd bedroom which the bedspread is big orange & yellow flowers. I love watercolors like this too...I should learn how to do this I might be able to. Got her some butterfly sheets too. I like to put get creative making baskets for weddings & baby showers. Weddings get all the massage oil & tools from The Body Shop & a book etc. Baby showers get all the red, white & black cognitive stuff to learn! :-)

7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?


8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?

For what? Well, quite frankly I think a combo of the too would be ideal....soft & sweet but then some bad girl too! That is what I always strive for! ;-)

9. Do you stay friends with your exes?

I suppose it depends why we are an ex. I would try to. I mean my idea is if you loved the person & it was real love you will always love them. That is my problem I suppose if you do get in my heart you will always be there. It would be a lot easier I suppose if I could hate them, well my grandma always told me not to hate but disliked them & then could say "Good Riddance" to them and move on very easily. Ugh!

10. Do you know how to play poker?

You mean like Strip poker?  Actually I don't know how to play any kind of poker.

Again, this is Robin's response & works for me too! You know I know the general idea so I'm sure I would pick up with it but the memory of what was thrown down etc would be my problem...well that depends on who you want stripping! HA!

11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? 

Good God of course I was a grad student! Heck I think I did that in college. In fact, I know I did more than 48 hrs because my dad came picked me up for winter break after finals week & I told him he was going to have to pack me & I was going to sleep the whole 4 hours home. I didn't sleep & for days after I was home...I think my family wanted to put something in my drink! It was getting scary! Next question is have you slept for 48 hrs straight..probably on & off when I'm sick or knocked out on drugs after surgery etc.

12. What's your favorite commercial? 

Oh know they do not make commercials like they use to. I actually have my students use commercials for their persuasion chapter. My examples are the McDonalds one where the older brother offers the french fry to his sister as she grows up...remember...little did we know then he was killing her off with trans fats for the parent's inheritance! HA! Or the Mean Joe Green Coke Commercial...dang I feel old now. I'll have to watch & see if there are any recent ones....ok the "I'd Like to Teach the World To Sing" one too...ahhhh!

13. What are you allergic to?

I loved one of Robins...saving money! YEP I must be too! HA! I suppose though if gas didn't rob me & I made more money I could save but...

I'm allergic to Bees & other stinging insects like that, I think crabmeat slightly, one drug I was given last year made me feel like I was going to pass out within a few minutes of taking it. Hmmm what else...nasty people, guys who have a fake macho attitude...I seem to react to them big time.."Oh really" & "Excuse Me..." comes out & then watch out! Fake women...avoid them like the plague! People who are on a time for their lack of self-esteem! pray for them with some compassion but just don't have time to waste on them...more important things to do in life.

14. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around do you run red lights?

ABSOLUTELY NOT! If it is wrong, it is wrong!

15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?

Hmmm have to think about that....maybe a few but nothing hurtful or anything.  

16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?

NEITHER! CUBS! I'm an animal person! HA! Love those guys who are ANIMALS! HA!

17. Have you ever been Ice Skating?

Yep, when I was a kid...until my knee would not cooperate.

18. How often do you remember your dreams? 

Quite a bit...dang what was it this morning now? I have to bring a pen & paper to my bedroom & start jotting them down. Country woke me up abruptly chomping on Dusty again this morning. He even had hair in his mouth! Ugh!

19. When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?

Not that long ago. I love doing that!

20. Can you name 5 songs by The Beatles?

Well, this is a goofy question because now that the previous person listed 5 pretty soon there will not be any to choose from & they stole the ones I would list! HA!

21. What's the one thing on your mind now?

The recent passing of our dear 35 yr old friend, cleaning my apt, my niece's b-day party, whether it is going to rain on Wed when we go to Great America, a very cute guy...well you know I think too much soooooo.

22. Do you know who Ghetto-ass Barbie is?

No...haven't heard of her but I can just imagine. That is probably the only one my niece doesn't have! She has like 50 in her room...none have clothes on! HA! And Ken's head keeps falling off...I wonder if this will explain anything about her personality later in life! HA! NO...I didn't do that to Ken...even in any therapeutic intervention or anything! HA!

23. Do you always wear your seat belt?
ABSOLUTELY! I still have things I want to do in my life & you can't control the idiots on the road. Like last night the state troopers were taking care of traffic by the raceway & as I passed I saw one take a beer bottle from a car at the cross intersection & pour it out! I wrote them & thanked them when I got home!
24. What cell service do you use? 

T-Mobile for the moment. I'm thinking about getting a Q...anyone have one already? Love to hear your comments.

25. Do you like Sushi?

Just a Shrimp & rice one...I think that still qualifies! :-) One thing off the list of things to do in my life.

26. Have you ever narrowly avoided a fatal accident?

Probably, I had a nasty head injury when I was 14...try to blame my problems with Calc & trig on that but...can I count fatal accident of men I've had the misfortune of caring about...ok, I guess not misfortune I don't regret it & I'd do it again...maybe a bit different in my favor ;-) but I think you know what I mean...just too hard afterwards! Seems fatal!

27. What do you wear to bed? 

I agree with Robin...depends on the time of year. Usually a tank top, sometimes pants, winter the flannel comes out & I do have some "nice things" too. ;-)

28. Been caught stealing?

ABSOLUTELY NOT! But a few  have stolen a piece of my heart. They can have it though. I would have given the whole thing to them. Ugh...

29. What shoe size do you have?

Hey Robin we have the same size 9 or 10... big ones so you not be under them! HA!

30. Do you truly hate anyone?

ABSOLUTELY NOT! My grandma told me never to hate times it takes me a few seconds but I do get to the point of having more compassion for them & feeling sorry for them that they are the way they are. I figure God must have his reasons even if I can't figure it out. Maybe to teach me compassion...test me! Hmmm!

31. Classic Rock or Rap?

Well, if I had to choose between these two Classic Rock though I rather something else...some I love.

32. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be?  

ONLY ONE??? That is absolutely not fair! Too many to list:

Pierce Brosnan
Tom Selleck
Robert Redford
Jeremy Piven

I think I'd go with Pierce!!!! ;-)

33. Favorite Song?

Michael Buble-Home

OH Robin I totally agree...just hearing it start I'm like Jello! Heck, just reading this did it to me! I LOVE Il Divo too Isabel & then Josh Groban's "You Raise Me Up' & "To Where You Are"...too many that just make every cell in my body tingle! The tingle test...that is what a guy has to do too! HA!

34. Have you ever sang in front of the mirror?

Oh God, probably when I was a kid...wait I put my make-up on & I'm singing...does that count...I'm still a kid right? I do sing & dance all over my place though...even chair dance! Gotta get those hips moving you know...they can really make you feel better! ;-)

35. What food do you find disgusting? 

Well probably anything on the "Fear Factor" would qualify!HA! I can't even watch the commericals!

36. Do you sing in the shower?

Oh ya...crank the tunes & then head in the shower!

37. Did you ever play, “I'll show you mine, if you show me yours?” 

Oh please...I was one of the first girls in my neighborhood to go through puberty at barely age 10! They couldn't believe my C cup at like 11/12 yrs of age was real! HA! One thing I never had to do was stuff my bra! HA! I also was 5' 8" then & so they didn't mess with me much then. Only 1 girl taller than me & all the boys were so short then. Going to a Catholic grammar school we didn't have locker rooms with showers to have that Sixteen Candles scene were the younger girls could VERIFY...isn't that just hysterical! Well, once summer came with bikinis they'd know. Thankfully I was buying bikinis by then...did I tell you the story of when I was a kid & my mom made clothes for us from time to time...good stuff...she made bikinis one year & we got to pick our material. I picked terre cloth...not too bright! HA! Well, apparently my mom & dad didn't think of it either...jumped in & it fell off...could have been a boys highlight of his summer but none were around Ha!

38. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?

HELL NO.. I do it to their face! HA! Of course they do it to me good fun though, not hurtfully. If someone is trying to make me feel like I fool though they are not going to win points with me though!

39. Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew?

ALL THE TIME!!!!! I believe it is our job in society to do so! Don't even think about it if I'm around. I think our whole family is like that. My mom does all the time & even my dad. I haven't seen my brothers do it alot..maybe more so with women when I'm not around. My sis & I went to a semi-pro baseball game last month (also went yesterday) & behind us in line are 3 brothers maybe 12, 10 & like 5. The older one was hitting the 2nd one in the head hard constently. My sister saw it before me & told the kid if he didn't stop she would find security. He mouthed off something like "You're not my mother" well that not only got her going but me. I told his brother just wait you may grow up & be taller than him & have a better life than him & know how to treat people better & then have a better life. My sis went for security & they took off. I just wish I found them with their parents but these days you never know the parents may be the reason why they are doing it! UGH! So Sad! I'd love that kid to come to school one day in the fall & find my sister is his teacher! HA!  Or later I'm his college prof! HA!

Thursday, July 6, 2006

My Heart Hurts!

I'm so very sad right now. Sad is not even the right word but maybe more mixed emotions...some anger, certainly heart just hurts so bad. 

There are 3 couples who are in the dental field, who my family hung around with at all the dental functions & we shared major life events, birthdays, graduations etc. There were more boys than girls born within these 4 couples with 3 girls & 9 boys! The boys were all around the same age within just a few years.

My dad called yesterday to tell me my mom was home from her knee surgery & doing ok, but then he told me that he received a call that one of these couple's 35 yr old son died Mon night. My folks have known them since they were in the military in Fort Hood, TX 44 yrs ago. Of all the couples, this set lived near us so I would hang out with my mom & aunt shopping & doing lunch routinely each month for many years. There oldest son was a few yrs younger than me & my Sr year went to the same college I did, though I didn't see him much.

I think I'm still in shock. I just can't believe it. We don't know many details but he did have brain surgery a number of years ago for a tumor they said was growing slowly probably for 20 yrs. He was doing well & working & I believe off some of the meds they had him on. All we know is he was in the hospital apparently for the last week because one of the meds was causing clots. My guess is he threw a clot & they couldn't do anything. His mom retired from teaching nursing so I'm sure she will get to the bottom of it but that certainly doesn't change the end result. He leaves behind a wife & 3 sons, his last "Evan" being born last Oct. They are all very young.

It just does not seem fair. I don't understand things like this. He is the first within my generation to die. To top it off his mom's sister lost her only daughter a few yrs ago right after surgery. My whole family is just devistated. My youngest brother, who is his age & would hang out at all the social events, couldn't talk to my dad on the phone after dad told him. I could tell my dad is not doing well because he didn't talk after he told me. My folks are his brother's godparents but they always treated him like theirs much so just a few years ago we were at their mom's & he really thought they were his godparents. Makes me wonder about his real ones but I'm so glad he felt so loved by my folks that he felt he was. My folks are like that, no "Daughter 'In-Law'" just "Daughter" etc. Well, I suppose that could be good or bad but...Ha!

Tomorrow is the wake & Fri the funeral. I'm just dreading this so much. I know it is going to be very difficult. My sister is flying in from FL later today & they are going to tell her when she gets here. I'm suppose to have class tomorrow night but I'm trying to find someone to take it for me because I just don't think I can do it. Of all things I'm suppose to talk about Love & Stress (separate topics but they do blend!) I think it will just make me too emotional. I suppose I could show a video & that will help but...

I just can't imagine how my aunt, uncle, his brother & his wife are going through. I just keep fluctuating from being gratiful I'm alive, to praying for them & then crying, then feeling guilty I'm alive a bit or the "why him & now", how will the boys ever know how sweet their father was, the missed fishing trips, playing sports, missing them graduate, getting married, being a grandpa, angry with God even a bit etc. It makes me wish I had told 2 men in my past how I really felt about them. The question is will I next time? God I hope so. Well, in all fairness both of them didn't let me! UGH! I just want to scream! I feel like Sally Field in Steel Magnolias...I just want to hit something hard! HA! I also just read in my alumni paper that a guy I worked with in College works at the same place that this young man worked at. I wonder if he will be at the services...not a great place to have a mini-reunion. More later...