I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while...and I may not be able to for a bit. Last Tuesday I had to call an ambulance I was in so much excruciating pain with my hip. I think I opened my eyes a bit to be able to recognize the ambulance drivers if I saw them again. I was like so out of it due to the pain. My bp was ugh! The doc got me out of pain, but then my big toe was numb to the ankle and my hip felt like it would give out everytime I walked. I feel like I'm walking with one short leg. I need a major Band Aid!
The doctor I had I had previously. He was wonderful the first time, unfortunately he was the exact opposite this time. I wish a family member had been there with me to let him know. He released me without me even getting out of bed yet. Yes, I will be doing something about it believe me, but first I have to take care of myself. He sent me off with a prescription of Vicodin without even discussing the reason for my new symptoms or checking them out. They treated me so poorly. I was so sleepy. I had taken a muscle relaxant already a home before they gave me more & a narcotic. I told them I did. I called my doc & she could not believe they were not checking out those symptoms so she asked me to go to her hospital's ER. Yep, two ERs in one day! One bro picked me up & the other came down to bring me to that ER. That doc gave me some other meds & took x-rays & she explained a bit more what she thought was going on. She told me what symptoms to make sure I come back for if they occurred. My bro took me home by him for the evening & took off the next day to stay with me. Ya, he is very sweet...when he wants to be...ha..like most men! He brought me back the next day. We dropped off my prescription & later in the evening, when I started to feel a bit more twinges, I thougt it just might be worth trying to pick it up myself so that if I needed it in the wee hours I would have it. The next morning I was glad I took one. Of course 5 hrs later when it wore off I got a fuzzy vicodin hang-over headache. Ugh. Not real bad though. I haven't taken one since. I really don't want to unless I have to. I know they are addicting so...I can deal with some pain but I do have my limits.
Right now I need Dr. Georgeous (ha! my new combo word)!
Well, yesterday (Thurs) I got an MRI on my lower spine. Now I had an an MRI the previous Friday on my right hip & all they found was some mild inflamation. Well, as we got into the scan they kept asking me if I was ok and then they came to help me off the table when I was leaving. They said sometimes you have to do more than one test to get the answer, since they did mine the previous Friday. They then said, you will have your answer on this MRI & we got some really good pictures of it. Of course they can't tell you because of HIPPA but that was ok. I was somewhat relieved, because then you have a game plan to get better, but I was a bit frustrated emotionally to learn it was something major. I kinda knew that though with my symptoms. I just can't believe it...I can't seem to get better without something else happening. I'm going to ask if this may be due to my foot being bad for so long & maybe why my other knee has a problem now. Probably all interacting with each other no doubt.
Now laying around on the couch would not be so bad in this case! HA! Except....Ya I think my back would get worse...ha! But hey, that might just be worth it! HA! Well, I'd rather not...that pain was just unbearable. But this is the goal...get that lower back working again...I'm too young...I still need it very much! ;-)
Ok, so my doc calls today....TWO herniated disks! Well, you know when I do things I do them well! Ugh! Us darn High Achievers! Actually, I think they say when one goes another does to compensate. Now the L4-L5 to the right is pressing on a nerve thus the symptoms in my right leg. The L5-S1 to the left is not pressing on the nerve so far. Next...Neurosurgeon. Sigh....first apt available AUGUST! Right! Well, they faxed the report to him & hopefully they will get me in much sooner. I'm not sure yet what really are my options until I talk to him. My doc put me on a Steroid Anti-Inflammatory pack...Methylprednisolone. Started it this afternoon. My dad was so kind & said if they can get the inflammation down off the nerve maybe that will diminish my numbness & hip problem. Has anyone had herniated disks like this before? Can you improve this just with PT or is it an automatic surgery thing???
I'm thinking some lovely warm water therapy... ;-) Whatcha think?!
My sister came down tonight & was wonderful. She took care of some things for me...vaccumed, took my trash out, got me some groceries etc. It really relieved me so much. I did drive to the pharmacy today to get my meds but thankfully they have a drive-thru. I can't do long walking. The guys who live next door to me offered to help & I just asked if they would take my trash can to the curb today for pick-up. They saw the ambulance come Tues for me.
I'm thinking some laugher too is good medicine. Trying to watch funny stuff on tv & reading my joke emails etc. I'm sure Mr. Clooney could get me smiling! ;-)
I was told not to lay around...well usually that is not something you have to tell me...I'm the exact opposite except when on the computer but it is really hard because when I walk I hurt & I don't want to make it worse or get in that excruciating pain again. My mom told me she had surgery on her L5 at about my age...ugh...she said, "You know we don't have to take after each other that much" HA!
I'm so frustrated. I had all my grading done for Tues' class & was so excited to give it to them. Wed my classes were going to see "An Inconvenient Truth" and I wanted to be there. We have 1 more week of classes & then finals week. Lovely! And it seems the last few springs I can't finish the term without something happening. What kind of screwed up cosmic timing do I have. I hate being sick and not able to do what I need to do. I mean, heck, there are better things to lay around in bed for! HA! Ya, I'm not in pain sitting here right now if you can tell! HA! Once I start walking that is another thing. And my microwave Cherry Pit bags are nice & toasty behind my back.
Well I'm not sure what this is going to take & how this is going to play out. Trying to think positive of course. You know that saying that says, "God doesn't give us anything we can't handle...I just wish he didn't think I could handle so much" Boy, do I agree with that. But then again, I think back to the first ER & before I left one of my past students was in there, I believe two people they knew died. They were just a mess, understandably so, but it made me realize I'm still in good shape you know. I haven't found out what happened...got to read the paper.
Well, if I don't post at times you'll know why now. I'll be back & update you when I can. Some days may be ok & others may not. I also am trying to read alerts as they are cheering me up & giving me something else to think about rather than my frustration. Thanks!
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Friday, April 20, 2007
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Ahhh...The Lake House is on HBO Free Movies on Demand now! I have the DVD so I don't know why it is such a big deal, but it is nice to just click it on anytime. HA! I'm going to order the poster. I can't decide if I want the full Movie poster with credits or just this version above. I think I will put it in my bedroom with my poster of many multicolored hearts above my bed, the poster of the heart drawn in the sand, and my letter signs of "Dream", "Love" etc.
They just got to the part where "Alex" meets his brother. It was at Roosevelt University where I got my Masters! Every time I see the scene it brings back many emotions for me. I spent a great deal of time in that atrium (pix below) I remember one semester, one night each week my dad would work later that evening so he could pick me up when I was done with my evening class. He didn't want me taking the bus all the way home or I guess driving that late. I think class was over like 9:30pm. We would listen to "The Green Hornet" on the way home...really...some station had it on. I have such found memories of it now.
I was not thrilled with Roosevelt Univ. quite frankly. I should have known when my dad & I visited it for the first time. I was accepted to 3 out of the 4 graduate schools I applied to and the 4th called me actually & asked me to retake my GRE because I was very close to their cut off & I guess they wanted to have me. With having 3 already I just said I was ok. Ugh! I took the train home & dad & I met with the psych dept chair at that time. He went on & on bad mouthing IIT that they had all these problems & people leaving. Then he said, "Well when you get accepted" I said I was. Then he said "When you pick your program", I said I did. Then he said, "Well when you are assigned an advisor", I said you are assigned to me that is why we made this visit. He didn't give us a tour or say anything about the program or dept. It was quite obvious he didn't look at my file & prepare for this visit. Then he went on to say that he would not be my advisor that he was leaving at the end of that term. GEEZ! I should have taken it as a sign!
I got there in the fall & was so excited to register. They had all these cool classes in the catalog. Now I was only a few hours short of a double major in psych for my bachelors. Unfortunately, it was the one thing I missed myself & my advisor, who I loved. I should have delayed graduation & picked up those few hours so the double major would have been on my transcript. Of course he never suggested I go to grad school either. I was furious! Just tell me "No" or the lack of the suggestion was the same to me & "WATCH OUT!" I remember the day I walked into the psych dept with a big smile. He said, "Someone is sure happy today" and I told him I was accepted to 3 out of the 4 I applied to. His mouth just dropped open & I walked past him leaving him in the dust! HA!
[BREAK....sorry...the scene where they are dancing & kiss was just on...had to watch! HA! Makes me think about there is one man I wish I had danced with....sigh...I love the song they are dancing to. Tribute below has song!]
Ok, so back to RU...
So I go to register for all these exciting classes & they are not listed. I asked if they will be the next term & they tell me "Oh ya, we have them in our catalog but they are really never offered anymore!" UGH!!!!! So I end up taking classes I had already taken AGAIN. I'm paying for them again & MORE...like $1,000.00 a class! And in some cases using the same text & no extra work. UGH! I was furious! So the following semester I went back to where I got my Bachelor's. I knew I could transfer some credits & I thought go where you know you will get a great education. My folks were very supportive. It was really weird because something told me to be very careful. I got my advisor & the Business Dean to sign two copies of letters saying the classes I was going to take would transfer as specific classes at RU. Later in the spring, I called to register to return & my advisor was on maternity leave. The dept chair says, "I can't accept any of these classes you are taking there" UGH! I said, "Well you have a copy of letters I have that are signed & say you will." He said he would call me back, which he did saying "I guess I will have to." UGH! I would have wasted time & money & I can tell you not only I but my dad would have had them in court.
[Ok, 2nd break...they are on the porch talking about the Jane Austen book "Persuasion"..."it is about waiting...these two people they meet and almost fall in love but the timing isn't right, they have to part and then years later they meet again and get another chance and you know they don't know if too much time has past, if they waited too long, too late to make it work?" Big Sigh...]
Now before that phone call, the first week I was there I am walking into the psych dept & my old advisor & favorite prof there sees me and of course inquires as to why I am there. I explain my problems at RU & he says "Sit on that bench & don't move!" I respected him enough to listen. 15 minutes later he comes out of the Dept Chair's office & says "We want you to stay but you have to know quickly because if you stay we are changing all your classes." That was so great! It did say something to me that they wanted to change my classes too! It was a really tough decision! I decided to actually return to RU. I know, you'd think not but they were accrediated for the Industrial Psych program & the other wasn't & they had an internship program also & I thought this would be much more beneficial. Little did I know I would be teaching! HA! It was also very hard because I met someone when I got there & it was just amazing! I have only had this happen one other time prior to this & I think once after?
Ok, I was working at the guys dorm's desk & he was an RA. I was suppose to go out with a friend for her birthday & there was suppose to be a group of us but when the time came no one had $ or that is what I was told? So it was me, her & this RA I had not met yet. They both came to the desk as I was filling out some sub paperwork. I was my usual hurried self & talking while I was working but I hadn't looked up to talk to them. When I did finally look up he was smiling at me sooooo much I swear I turned around to see who he was smiling at. I was soooo embarrassed. I looked back at him & just realized it was me he was smiling like that at & it was just so Kinetic. Ok, so we get to the restaurant in town that gives you a free birthday dinner. The twoof them sit on one side of the booth & I am across from them in the center. We order & start talking & all of a sudden I notice my friend is done with her dinner & leaning on the wall watching the two of us. I am now sitting directly across from him & we are in our own little world like my friend is not there. I guess it is like when people say "It is like we have always known each other". We were so comfortable with each other. We could tell each other anything. In fact, I don't know if I have ever had a guy tell me so much of what he was feeling ever and so willingly. When I noticed this I try with my eyes to let him know & he is not getting it & she finally says, "It is my birthday...do you think someone could talk to me!" Ugh! I felt soooo bad. It was just sooo easy with him. Always has been. What I didn't know is he had a girlfriend. No I was good, but what I also didn't realize is my decision to go back to RU was bigger than I thought. One day I was walking on campus as classes were going on, so there really wasn't the crowd of people & he was coming down the hill & saw me & called out to me to wait. He asked me if I had made a decision yet & I told him I decided to go back. He didn't say anything for a bit & then said, "I need someone to go to the movies with & to hold hands with" I was like "What" (thinking)...I had no idea he was thinking this, that if I stayed he would want to see me more seriously. I'm thinking, why didn't you tell me this before I made my decision. Maybe he didn't want to know so that I wouldn't make it just for him but for me? I don't know? I try to think what would I have done if I did know this? Would it have changed my decision? I can't see that it would. I mean if we were more serious at the time sure but not just meeting someone that you don't know if it is going to work out, but I don't know...is that logic only & not taking the chance so....Now I'm not so sure ha...age changes how you think of things...importance...I don't know. I just have faith that things turned out the way they are suppose to. One change & everything is different &....he married that girlfriend he had & now has like 5 kids! HA! They apparently needed to be on this planet & would not have been with me sooo...is there more to this...did we meet again...well the rest of the term was very difficult & nice too and years later almost, but Desert Storm got in the way...but maybe it was suppose to...hmmm. But he will always be in my heart.
So I went back to RU & finished up the following fall & life just went on. Well, some more problems at RU but...ha! A prof who tried to be problematic...I hate sleezy guys (or women) who just try to get what they can for themselves and aren't there to do the work or give in return. Just totally unethical, unprofessional and not of value to me.
[Last Break...the final grabbing & kissing her like you want her so bad! Loud Sigh with some tears...the cats are even wondering what the problem is. Ha!]
Well, now you can see why seeing that scene brings up many different emotions with those memories. :-) And a movie of "yearning" and "timing" getting in the way...man...just the story of my life always! Yep...more maybe for another day...
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Hi everyone! I received an email from U.S. Senator Barbara Boxer (above) today. Ok, so it was a form letter, and obviously the govt knows how to find me, but this was for a good cause. She is asking for signatures on the Citizen's co-sponsor of the Sanders/Boxer Global Warming Bill. Now even though it is very nippy outside for this time of year & one would not think Global Warming has tanned Mother Nature here yet (ha) the thought of future children having problems like not seeing certain animals any longer because they are extinct makes me quite sad.
And if I can't dream of a retirement where I can go out on a lake & just relax doing some fishing because the fish are gone, does not make me happy!!!
These politicians have ignored Global Warming for too long now! Make them work for their money & perks they are getting. It only takes a few seconds to make a difference in our children's future! GO HERE!
My school is having Earth Week starting the 19th. We are showing "Inconvient Truth" a couple of times a day! I haven't seen it yet. 3 of my classes will be required to see it. Anyone seen it yet? We are going to have speakers etc. Should be interesting.
Lets all try to do our part even in small ways! HA!
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Ya, that is how it all starts! Ha!
This is so cool but icky! HA! Well...considering the size I mean...major icky! HA! Neat how the whole community gets involved. HA!
Baby Elephant being born
I saw a monkey being born at our local zoo when I think I was in college? My brother was with me & I'm thinking he was in high school? I'll have to look for the pictures.
Sunday, April 8, 2007
Happy Easter Everyone! I hope you have a lovely day today. I'm heading up north this afternoon to spend the day with my cousins & my sis. This is the first year my family is really not all together & having our traditional brunch. I'm trying to think positive in that it is a new experience & may bring new, though different memories.
It is also difficult because my nieces are not here. Easter is just so much more fun with children around, though my cousin has a 2 yr old so that will be fun. I got her a little pink bunny that sings "Jesus loves me" song & a big purple ball...hoping spring will actually show its face soon. I also found an awesome pot full of cool yellow tulips..bit curly. I'm hoping she can plant them later & then have them each year as a reminder. I miss my mom this past weekend. She always makes Easter fun with jelly beans & foiled covered chocolate eggs & even at our ages she would get us a chocolate bunny, always searching for a white one for me! This year I'd rather she just send some warm weather from AZ! HA!
Oh & I can't forget my Peeps! I'm hoping my cousin has some so I can have just one. But my cousin said they are making her grandma's pound cake with her famous frosting. We would always get it on their birthdays...it is sooooo mouth watering. Just a piece but it will be my Easter treat this year.
Last Thurs my cousins & I visited our traditional 7 churches after mass & my uncle was telling me of this Grinch of a Dad who complained in a mall that the Easter Bunny they had was horrible & that were not going to stay & when one of his kids about 6 yrs old asked if someone was in the bunny he said "Yep, it is just a guy in a suit!" Ugh! People like this should not be allowed to be parents! HA! Yesterday, when I went to get my basket blessed, didn't want to give up that tradition, the church doors were all closed. Ugh! Finally, someone let us in. Some guy came with a basket of 4 bottles of wine & he was swearing like crazy that the doors were closed...somehow I think you are missing the point.
I love this pix! HA! I have seen so many bunnies outside lately...be careful! One poor bunny was pacing along the street near two dead ones. My heart was aching thinking he is saying "Mom? Dad?" Ugh!
Last night I went to mass figuring I wouldn't have to get up early then. I went locally for the first time. OMG...I forgot about the baptisms etc. 2 hrs long. They had them in pools & were pouring pictures of water over them. Then first communions & confirmation & they laid hands on them...it was nice but my poor back was having trouble.
Well I hope you all have a sweet day today full of family & love. Fill you in later.
Thursday, April 5, 2007
Ok...where is Al Gore? It is Easter & 30 degrees! Something is wrong with this picture!!! Although I remember it snowing on the way to my cousin's reception on an April 16th so...
We will all need to wear this bunny suit! I saw some for toddler's today! HA! Isn't this next bunny so cute! I love the angora ones.
Tomorrow I am heading up north by my cousins. We are going to mass & then we visit 7 churches for prayers. This is something I have done for years with my mom & dad but since they are now in AZ for the winters I am doing this lately with my cousins. Friday I probably will do the annual coloring of eggs. Unfortunately my nieces will not be in to add to the fun. Have to find somewhere to get them blessed now. Sun I'm heading to my cousin's for dinner. Wow...so nice not to cook this year. I can't seem to get into the new pretty dress & hat etc idea with Easter being so cold! I use to love getting a new Easter dress, hat, shoes, man I even remember white gloves when I was a kid! :-) Here is a pix of me at Eastertime when I was a wee one. Now see...you don't see any parkas, scarves etc! This is just goofy.
Well, I thought you might like this little funny below! :-)
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
I got this in my email & really liked it so I thought I'd share it with you.....
Monday, April 2, 2007
Well, I'm on Spring Break. Not sure I really feel it yet. Well, considering I wouldn't be in class yet I guess that is why. HA! I'm looking forward to catching up a bit & spring cleaning & getting my place popping up with spring flowers & bunnies! :-) I'm pulling apart some things & refreshing also. I got some new pussy willows & tree branches at the Flower Show so I'm redoing my Angel Display. I'll take pictures.
I got my newsletter from Cheryl Richardson on Journaling & I thought I would share it with you. Good reminder on why Journaling is such a great idea. I use to journal almost everyday when I was in HS & College. Haven't for a long time myself. I love going back to my college ones & reading what happened & how I felt. I've found there it is quite heavy on the college guys! HA! Amazing what I thought then. It is funny to see where I may have been wrong or even clueless in some cases. Do you ever wish you can go back & try things a different way. I know the major things that go wrong in life many of us do or maybe later we know it is for a reason, but I mean the little things. Almost like the movie "Sliding Doors" where you can see each way. Just interesting to think about. Though I suppose one little thing can make a major change...like "Back to the Future" HA! You just wonder you know...if you did stay when he grabbed your arm (yes, a clueless one I think! Ha!) etc.
I love my Kim Anderson journal books. They are suppose to be journaling about my niece. I haven't done very well on that. I think I will make it something I try to start up this spring break! I have a few things I want to start so maybe I can continue for the few weeks we have left before summer.
The photo on top is my favorite Kim Anderson photo. I think I feel like it is my spirit many times. Combination of observing life, being goofy, thought provoking, laughing at life, frustrated just so much there. The bottom one is my next or tied. I just feel that one in my spirit so much too....Don't know why? Feels right? Odd.
Here is a bit of what Cheryl says...
Over the years I've learned that if I stick with it and write long enough,
I always encounter a magic moment -- a flash of insight that lifts me
above the current problem so I can view it from a higher perspective.
From this higher place, I'm released from the grips of reaction so I can
respond in a more mature and authentic way.
Go to full newsletter - Scroll down to letter on Journaling.