Sunday, July 3, 2005
Breaking Up Is NOT Hard to Do
Remember the song by Neil Sedaka "Breaking Up is Hard To Do," well senior writer for Sport Illustrated, Austin Murphy, talks about his bad breakups in a recent article entitled"Bad At Breakups." He talks about "dating karma" and what it really means to breakup with someone like an adult should. He adds...
" A month after breaking things off with Susan, I ran into an old college acquaintance—the woman who would become my wife. During college, Laura had refused my advances due to my reputation as a jerk. Only at that moment, nearly five years later, did she accept my invitation out for a drink, opening the door a tiny crack. I took every opportunity to show her I’d changed: returning her phone calls, asking her, “what’s wrong?” if I sensed she was unhappy about something, dealing with our relationship problems head-on rather than giving in to my knee-jerk impulse to cut and run.
Ironic, isn’t it, that it was around the time I mastered the skill of breaking up with someone that I found the woman with whom I hope to never split. It hadn’t occurred to me until now that one probably had something to do with the other."
I'm not surprised by this! We all change as we get older & if you are a person who is open to finding out then it could happen...have to take the risk though.
Similar to Austin's experience, I remember a guy I met in graduate school. I had gone back to my undergraduate college for a term. I was at work & a friend of mine was introducing us, as I was looking down doing paperwork. He had worked there as well, but I had not met him yet. I looked up & said Hi and as the words came out I saw him smiling at me & looking... like I have never had anyone look at me before...and trust me that look I would have remembered! :-) I actually turned around to see who he was smiling at. I was so embarrassed when I realized it was me.
We then went to dinner for my friend's birthday. He sat next to her in the booth & I across from them in the middle of the booth. We began talking & time seemed to get away from us. All of a sudden, I happen to catch my friend in my peripheral vision & I looked a bit & found her done with her dinner & leaning against the wall. We had hardly touched ours. At that moment my friend said, "It's my birthday! Do you think someone could talk to me!" I felt sooo horrible & again embarrassed. It was just so incredibly easy to talk to him & he seemed to be able to talk to me just as easily.
Well getting to the break-up part, nothing really started because I had to make a decision to either stay there or go back to where I began my graduate degree. I had just planned to stay a term, but my old professors saw me & after a few minutes of talking I was told to sit & not leave. They came back & asked me to stay but I had to make my decision quickly. I decided to go back to where I began my degree because they were accrediated & had an internship program and I could not change my plans for a man that I seemed to like VERY MUCH but would have no way of knowing if we'd even break up in a month or so. It would be different if we had been dating a while already.
I still remember the day, this lovely gentleman yelled from quite a distance for me to wait up for him. Classes were going on so there was not many walking on campus, just the two of us talking. He asked if I made my decision and I told him. He was very quiet for some time & then he finally said, "I need someone to walk & hold hands with. I need someone to watch a movie with." Actually, I think it was then that I realized he was interest in doing those things with me, that he did want a relationship with me. I don't know it always seems to surprise me...I'm not a supermodel or anything. I couldn't disagree with him. Long distance relationships are very difficult & I would want those things also. He was honest, and kind to me. It was actually harder still being on campus & working with him from that point, especially seeing him with someone, but like the entry on "Laws of Attraction" I did, if you have that person in your heart you can't wish them anything but happiness. I respect him so much and wish every break-up was more like that one. He was wonderful to me afterwards & continued to talk to me like before my decision, no resentment. There is a bit more to the story but that is perhaps for another entry topic. So I totally agree with Mr. Murphy on his article.
Anyone have any interesting stories of bad or good breakups? Either you've initiated or your partner?