Wednesday, August 27, 2008

I Think I Do?!


Are these two in love or falling out of love? Hmmm? All depends on your perspective huh!

Apparently Oprah had an article in her magazine in May that I missed reading? Some woman who claims she is happily married but dreams of being divorced and claims many women feel the same way. AOL had a link of a reply to this article which I read & I tend to agree.

Ok, what do I know of marriage? Never been married so what could I know?! I agree! Everything I think & write here is probably total bunk! At the risk of sounding like Dr. Phil here...I'm sorry if you are thinking of divorce...you are not happily married! Some big denial going on here! Now there are days you may not want to be around the person. For good reasons or bad....although that could still be good? Let me explain. You may just want to have some time to yourself. Marriage does not mean you lose yourself. That "becoming one" idea is ok in some respects, because if you just think of yourself & not as a couple then you will have problems. But at the same time if you don't have an individual identity also, that will be a problem. So alone time is not a bad thing.

Then there are times you just don't want to be around the person. Ok, today they are bugging the heck out of you. Now this may not be their fault. You may be having a bad day & then it is probably a good idea to steer clear of each other until one is back to their chipper self. Then again, when our partner is like this do we say, "What can I do for you?" realizing something must be wrong today. Do we tell our partner, I'm just crabby because...and come up with an idea that might cheer us up. I'm thinking MASSAGE! ;-) Now some of this may also be perspective. I'll give you the example I use with my students during the wellness unit. I think it was from "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" but I could be wrong?

Ok, so this wife is all pissed off because every morning she gets a towel for her shower & places it in the bathroom. Every morning her husband "sneaks in the shower before her and uses 'her towel'". This goes on for year after year in their marriage. She gets more & more upset thinking her husband is an inconsiderate jerk (or worse!) One day she overhears her husband boasting about what a wonderful wife he has & provides an example. "Do you know my wife puts out a towel for me every morning." Now she could have gotten upset & yelled no I don't why don't you even think blah, blah, blah. You know that can happen but I suppose it is the tone in his voice that makes her realize he really thinks she is being sweet to him. All this time she thought he was just being inconsiderate and taking her towel when he had no clue & just thought she was doing this for him because she really lovingly wanted to. It brings up a few points. First, why wasn't she? Yes, he could too and especially since she was why wouldn't he, but maybe he felt that would just be her idea & he feels he is doing something else...is she noticing? Next, why is she stressing out about this? After all these years, why hasn't she just brought out two towels right away & solved the problem? Why hasn't she nicely said anything to him right away? He would have probably said, "I'm sorry, I thought you were bringing it for me" and then he would have got his own perhaps or they could have gotten each others? Actually, I just thought...perhaps that is why they use to have "His" and "Hers" towels...HA! Do you see how one's perspective gets things thrown out of whack & how communication is sooooo very important?! People get so upset about these little things they turn into big things when they really do not need to. Perhaps this is what this woman means by happily married, meaning overall she loves him and wants to be married but it is a pain currently just living together because they are not communicating. But still she is not happy & if you are not happy then you need to tell the person that. We certainly do not have trouble telling strangers when we are not happy with their driving etc. This is the person you love...we SHOULD be able to tell them how we feel safely. I know...very difficult. Was with me and my last bf too. Not saying I'm perfect on this myself.

 Youknow there are also some people who get married just because they think it is the thing to do. They are a certain age, it is the socially acceptable thing to do, they love the idea of the wedding but forget what it is is about marriage & what that really means. Then once they get married & realize, they are disappointed. They don't THINK about what they want and the idea of wanting to be with this person to help them potentiate who they are and have thought about whether this person wants to be with them for the right reasons & to help them potentiate.

Then there are the relatives! HA! Don't you love this movie! Now that is a real man...who loves her and her family...no matter how crazy they are! Ha! God knows we feel that way about them too sometimes & quite frankly you know they all talk behind our backs that we are the crazy ones! HA! But someone loves them also...isn't it great!

Lastly...for now...we forget we are all on life's journey. We are on different points of this path sometimes. We all grow at different paces & have different lessons to learn. We forget to be patient with each other. We forget that we are also not perfect so we should not expect our partner to be. They will make mistakes and the idea is if you love that person you are there for them when they do. It is the difficult times that are the real test. Anyone can be there for the fun and easy times. Love is really true when you are having a tough time and that person is there even more for you. They are solid and strong when you need a bit of help. And it is not a chore, you do it eagerly! You want to because you love the person! We certainly do when we first meet but we tend to forget and stop doing these things. I've posted before how I have the Love is Patient, Love is Kind verse as a poster. I love this ring...great reminder! Have to remember that maybe for one day.

Oh...but what the H do I know...I've never been married so don't listen to me!

6 comments:

slapinions said...

I read the article, thought 'B**ch' and said to myself 'he should leave HER'. What was the ridiculous line she used? Something like 'he's not a Bad Man, just  Mr. Not a Very Good one?' Because he uses her towel? Ugh.

Dan

btw the Summer passed in the blink of an eye. Next year a Bandits game for sure, or even a Cubs/Brewers match up here in Brew City. :)

psychfun said...

Yes...and like she never used his shaver in the shower! HA!

garnett109 said...

enjoy your day

chat2missie said...

This was a great entry!
Missie

luvrte66 said...

Hi, just stopping by after your comment on my journal!

It doesn't matter that you aren't married--this was a great entry and great perspective on things. WHY don't people speak up and communicate?! What a dishrag.

All my best,
Beth

mjgm1954 said...

you might just know more than you think! I have been married 3 times, twice to the same man. what do I know about marriage? not a ding dang thing! lol
John Corbett is the perfect man. I loved him on Northern exposure and I loved him even more in My big fat greek wedding.
BTW   very nice entry. I will have to return and read some more. jun  from Midnight