*$#^!%#&

Under my breath so far...and pangs of worry...some tears & then I say "NO! Not untill you know for sure!!!"

I've been working so hard for about a month now at PT. I got my new glideboard for my Total Gym & in between days I workout at home. I did 120 squats Thurs & Sat & treadmilled each day 1 hr. Today my PT pushed me more and I struggle a bit at the end but my legs are not killing me the rest of the day so I'm handling it ok. Well...

This afternoon about 3pm I go to pick up my friend's daughter to take her up to my folks for my niece's kids birthday party as a surprise. I pull up at the curb so the door is by her to get in but I get out of my side & go around the car & open the door for her. I did NOTHING!!!! No twist that caused pain, I didn't feel a pop, I didn't collapse & go OMG or anything. I just take a step & my knee feels tight like a rock in there. I went "hmmm" and each step I took it felt stiff & hurt. Now this is similar to what I went to the doc for about a year ago. I had 2 days it was stiff & I could not bend it I believe. Then it went away. OMG...it is killing me! Not sure if I can describe this so you can understand but...Right knee, bottom of knee cap, inside hollow part to center under knee cap? Does that make sense? Put your hand right underneath your knee cap. Feel that band ok, there & then slide to the left a bit...how is that. Excruciating there. The more I don't walk it stiffens & is tighter like a rock. When I walk I have to walk straight leg & limp.   SIGH!!!!

I called my PT & he said ice & Motrin & if still bad in the morning to come in & he would look at it. I'm going in definitely before my class. I was suppose to go downtown to the back doc where I got my Vax D treatments but I don't think I can walk from the parking lot up the stairs or up the ramp to the metra train & then down when I get there & then 2 1/2 blocks & then back home the same thing. I may have to cancel. I have 3 more weeks of school left too! I just want to scream!

Then I get to the party & of course there are 9 girls from age 5-11 running around & energetic & here I am poopy & can't do anything & in pain. The party went well, my brothers helped out a lot. All the girls seemed to have fun. I'll post more on that later when I am not in so much pain & more cheery. I'll let you know what I find out but I'm getting very tired of this...I know, I know so many much worse, in fact, if you can say a tiny prayer my one brother's friend they just put on life support. Not sure but they think after many years he is rejecting his lung transplant? He had a few organs transplanted. It is soooo sad. So I know perspective but still....I just want a punching bag (real one!) to punch even though I know the research shows it doesn't help but make it worse. Hard to meditate right now. The girls helped just taking your mind off it...have to read or watch tv. When I just sit or don't move it it doesn't hurt so that is a good thing. See now I need a boyfriend to take my mind off it...either for a good reason or to argue even...ha! Well it would work...but that might get me in more trouble later making up! HA! Ya...I'm relaxing a tad I guess...until I have to get up to go walk & lie down...ugh! More tomorrow...OH...and then gas prices jumped from $4.19 to $4.35! UGH!!! I found one still at the low price so I topped off the 1/4 tank I used going to my folks before they go up tomorrow morning! That is outrageous to go up that much at a time! Our economy is going to crash I just know it. And nobody would even want my body if I sold it if it did crash HA! Body parts shot so who would want it ;-)

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