Thursday, December 20, 2007

Caution Pix of Car

Hi Everyone!

If you don't want to look then that is ok. And please excuse errors...I'm rereading but I may not catch everything. My brain is not my "usual" and that isn't that great anyway!

Yesterday was a difficult day for me. They finally got me a rental, a Mazda CX7 and I asked if I could drive back to the branch with the guy so I would have someone with me the first time I drove. I wasn't too bad driving. I then went to get my hair colored in the town I had to go for my car. Then had some lunch & went to get some totes to clean my car. I then headed down the road to the Tow place & this thick fog was rolling in. I was not about to challenge that so I went & told the guy maybe I could just do a bit, 10-15 min. I got by my car, took some pictures & then realized it was very muddy & lots of snow that I needed boots. Then I realized there wasn't any room to open the doors with other vehicles & then it was backed up next to the fence so I couldn't get the back hatch open. I opened my door & saw all the glass & forgot I didn't have any gloves.

I asked the guy if I came back tomorrow if he could pull it out so I could work around it & he said they could do that. Then I just lightly mentioned I still can't understand how I ended up facing the way I did & how far I was down the road from where I left the road. I was told that day that I probably slid on my roof but he thinks I went airborne & was flipping. I don't know but for some reason I just have to know to process it & put some closure on it. Well, when he told me this it really shocked me. I'm going to see if I can contact the officer & see if the other officer who was going by & helped me & the other two guys witnessed it & saw what happened.

I then made the mistake of telling my mom & sister & they are just like "don't think about it" etc...right! I lost it & yelled at my sister! My cousin had called in the morning & simply said, I can only imagine, you must have been very scared & just listened! PERFECT! I don't need someone telling me that I shouldn't feel something & how to feel or judge me on how I'm feeling. They were not flipping and thinking they were going to die! You have no idea unless you have gone through that. Boyfriend is not being the best right now either, but part of that is due to some issues I have with him before this happened. We talked a bit tonight but I'm not sure how that is going to turn out.

My dad is coming down tomorrow to help me. Chris MAY in the afternoon also. I told him I just wanted him to hold me tight & tell me it would all be ok & ask me if I was alright. He was upset because I didn't go to the ER in the Ambulance but the paramedica talked me out of it. They brought it up! They said do you want us to take you because you look fine & aren't complaining of pain. Said if they got me out I would be collared & boarded & have no choice but since I got out myself etc. I wrote on the form based on what they told me...Chris took me later because I was getting a muscle tension headache & the insurance said I should in 24 hrs. He thinks I didn't listen to him but I was in shock & listening to the professionals. They made me feel like I didn't need to & I did feel fine but how do I know. They said they had another roll over to go to also.

I started to shake again tonight and got stressed that my... well...outside of my chest was tight...but not inside...hard to explain. I know that it is a traumatic thing & I should not be hard on myself but others seem to not be patient with me. I know I jumped twice to a noise so that is a sign...nothing like say 9/11 and probably take less to get over certainly but none the less still traumatic. I think if I lost consciousness it may have been better because I would not remember but I do remember the whole thing. I thought I was going to die! Though I didn't see my life flash before my eyes...ha! I just can't believe I can't find a bruise on me. I do have one spot on my hairline still sore but I'm not sure if glass got in there. I had about 3 other hotspots & they said they work their ways out & they don't seem to hurt, but not raised I don't think or bruised, just a bit red & hurts when I rub on it. My hairdresser got a piece of glass today & that is after 4 showers I've taken. I found a piece on my jeans last night...maybe on my chair & stuck to it when I got up.

I didn't sleep good last night & still up now. I know I should sleep but I'll lay down in just a bit. I know I just have to take it one step or breath at a time. I remember thinking are so bad, God saves your life & then you get emotionally upset & going to give yourself a heart attack...that isn't very nice to say thank you to God! HA! So I'm going to try to not get so upset but it is hard not just feel or all of a sudden the image & feeling comes in your head again. I know that is typical of traumatic events but it doesn't make it any less even though you know why.

We'll see how tomorrow goes. Thankfully I have one extra week off this break than usual. I could use it. I still have shopping to do & ugh....

Well here are the pictures...


chat2missie said...

OMG!!  I still can't believe you walked away from that!!

sunnyside46 said...

It really is a wonder you survived that.
Give yourself time. I was in a car wreck not one-tenth as bad as that and it was a year before I could drive without tensing up every time a car passed me. It's perfectly normal to be a trifle antsy after nearly dying and hard to jsut "put it out of your mind" like it was a stubed toe or something!

mariealicejoan said...

It's a miracle you walked away from that my dear!  It seems to me your family should be a little bit more understanding.  I have been in a few accidents in my life.  At first everything feels ok, as the old adrenaline is flowing pretty strong!  It's not until a while later that the aches and pains start to kick in.  Also the nerves.  I can tell you after the last one I had it was quite a while before I felt safe as a driver in my car, let alone as a passenger.  But you can't cave into the fear, you just got to persevere and keep driving, or it will beat you.  (((hugs)))