Don't feel like talking...

I'm sorry everyone but my news was not good today & I really can't talk about it yet...still "absorbing". I was doing so great...got there & my bp was 110/70 hrt 80, lost 6 lbs, in a great mood & wham the floor came out from under me. I'll explain tomorrow & I know I just keep thinking others are much worse so...but I was trying so hard to think positive & then it really didn't help. See then you wonder why it is hard for me to think positive. I should have known...when I think negative it isn't as bad as I think.

I think I need some time to just ground myself & get my fighting spirit back. I'm also investigating some other options tomorrow & trying to get my hip looked at & then in for a 2nd opinion. I need to do this ASAP, I do have muscle loss in my toes.

I am very angry though because it is probably due to the years with my foot being a problem and I saw back docs in the last few years & they told me that it was normal for "my age range" etc & I could have been doing things for it all this time.

I just need to take that anger and turn that into fighting motivation. I know my stages, the shock, get upset, then anger & then WATCH OUT...ok some fear then sometimes but we'll see. That is what I still am working on. Figures, I was just talking to Chelsea about not letting your fear stop you this weekend....ah ha...God saying practice what you preach. I just really feel like I've lost my fighting spirit I had when I was younger & man when I was in college. I wish I had her still. I have to go for now....sorry!

I just want to go hide on a beach & lay in the sun & listen to the ocean & sea gulls & hear God closer to me and have some reassurance.

Thank you all for your comments & emails! I promise to let you know tomorrow.