Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Don't feel like talking...


I'm sorry everyone but my news was not good today & I really can't talk about it yet...still "absorbing". I was doing so great...got there & my bp was 110/70 hrt 80, lost 6 lbs, in a great mood & wham the floor came out from under me. I'll explain tomorrow & I know I just keep thinking others are much worse so...but I was trying so hard to think positive & then it really didn't help. See then you wonder why it is hard for me to think positive. I should have known...when I think negative it isn't as bad as I think.

I think I need some time to just ground myself & get my fighting spirit back. I'm also investigating some other options tomorrow & trying to get my hip looked at & then in for a 2nd opinion. I need to do this ASAP, I do have muscle loss in my toes.

I am very angry though because it is probably due to the years with my foot being a problem and I saw back docs in the last few years & they told me that it was normal for "my age range" etc & I could have been doing things for it all this time.

I just need to take that anger and turn that into fighting motivation. I know my stages, the shock, get upset, then anger & then WATCH OUT...ok some fear then sometimes but we'll see. That is what I still am working on. Figures, I was just talking to Chelsea about not letting your fear stop you this weekend....ah ha...God saying practice what you preach. I just really feel like I've lost my fighting spirit I had when I was younger & man when I was in college. I wish I had her still. I have to go for now....sorry!

I just want to go hide on a beach & lay in the sun & listen to the ocean & sea gulls & hear God closer to me and have some reassurance.

Thank you all for your comments & emails! I promise to let you know tomorrow.

7 comments:

chat2missie said...

Not sure what the problem is, but keeping you in my thoughts!!  I'm worried for you now!
Missie

ceilisundancer said...

{{{PSYCHFUN!}}}}

sangrialel said...

Laying on the beach sounds great!  I hope everything is allright with you. Linda

rdautumnsage said...

((hugs)) I'm here for you, when you do feel like talking about it. Keeping you in my prayers on the smoke! (Hugs) Indigo

thegirlnexdoor77 said...

I hope things get better for you...Boy sounds like you have a bunch of stupid doctors where you are from as well!  I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers hugs,TerryAnn

sazzylilsmartazz said...

I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you. You're probably just tired right now. You'll regain your fighting spirit again. I wish you well.
Dianna

princesssaurora said...

Please fill us in on what is going on with you... I am sending you prayers and positive thoughts.... lean on us while your fighting spirit kicks into gear.  Believe me... I GET IT!

be well,
Dawn
http://journals.aol.com/princesssaurora/CarpeDiem/