Ok, a psych professor not commenting on this...that would be torturing me! Ha! This is turning into quite a lengthy response so I'll respond here. (No lie! That is the song that is playing while I write this! HA!)
I'm responding to "DAILY NEWS: Why men cheat? What the experts don't know and what a superior should learn"
At first, you were going along & I was agreeing & then all of a sudden I was getting confused. Let me explain. First you say that cheating is a matter of integrity & then you say men can't be faithful due to hormones & that women cause it because they are not satisfying men? Also a side note, we are finding more & more woman are cheating lately. They still do not admit to it as much because of the old double standard. Interesting, if it is a hormone issue you would find age differences on this. If true, maybe we should wait until a certain age for men to get married or but then that is a problem for women! HA! 
Now it is true hormones do change as you say, and like you, being a woman also in her 40s I TOTALLY understand what you mean! I don't know how many times I've said to my friends in the last few years "Man, I know what 19 yr old men feel like now!" HA! I also discuss with my students why the young woman & older man & older woman & younger man is best fit from a hormonal stand point! Think about it.
Now, when you started to talk about "cause" this logic would be like if you said "Someone caused me to rape her by how she behaved" or "Someone caused me to kill them" or "A child caused me to molest them by what they were wearing". You just can't use that argument/logic. You did mention "restraint" and integrity. We are not robots & do not have control over our behavior totally. True, hormones & other chemicals in our body do effect us! Like diabetes or Schizophrenia or Post Partum Depression etc but those are more extremes & not the common person's level of hormones. In fact, you didn't mention other chemicals, for example Prozac, blood pressure meds (both men & women) etc can reduce libido but hey maybe that is the solution just give everyone a pill to even out the hormones at all ages...ha! There are many reasons why one may not want to have sex & we should also respect that & not just a high libido. This is the difference between a "relationship" and just a "sex partner". Both sides of the hormone libido issue can be worked with & love & compassion needs to be factored in here. 
And this was the other point you missed...a relationship that is healthy should be based on LOVE...it is a partnership. You didn't bring up the difference between making love & just lustful sex also. There is so much for this topic. Communication is the key. It can be what kind of sex one wants etc. I remember an interview Barbara Walters did with Chris & Dana Reeves where she asked if they had a sex life still. Like the woman had any right to even ask! Ugh! They laughed & said of course. You know with the just hormone idea or ability idea one could say well Chris' injury caused Dana to cheat & it is excusable because she is in her 40s & has a realy high libido! Bull Hockey! HA! This is were a relationship & love is the key. Yes, the Intimacy...which I have to keep reminding my students is not just SEX! Ugh! Sex & making love is not just intercourse! You make love with everything you do for your mate. We don't all think of it this way but when you take out the trash (EITHER PARTNER!!) for the other, when you surprise them with something they like, when you let them sleep a bit longer & take out the dog for them ETC!!!! you are making love!
Now this brings me to another point missed...COMMUNICATION! Communication is the vital part of ANY part of the relationship. Chances are if a couple is having problems with communicating it is effecting EVERY part of their relationship & not just in bed. This is the key. You mentioned intimate satisfaction but this is not just sex. When either partner speaks lovingly to their partner & communicates their love in so many different ways (like I just mentioned above) then you feel the love & bond & wantto be close to each other, especially physically! Again, this doesn't have to be sex. My folks at 67 & 66 yrs of age still sleep like spoons in a full size bed...if you are not able to communicate in a healthy way you are not going to be able to hold on to each other...thus the old couch situation! HA! Makes you wonder about King beds...separating too far from each other...hmmm. And this is when one has a healthy sexual relationship well into old age as my mom reminds me...yes at 40 I still don't want to always hear about hers! HA! If you are angry about a partner not calling that they would be late from work or that they let the kids do something then you are not going to want to make love or have sex. Other parts of a relationship effect the sexual part. Every part is important.
ADD: I just thought of an example! I don't know how many men will open the door for me & then go through it & let it close for their wife behind! UGH! In contrast I'll see couples in their 70s or 80s holding hands, kissing or husbands still calling their wife "my bride" or "my girl" see the difference!
I've always said, when two people are angry they should have to communicate by sitting on the floor & one is inside the others legs & the one in back is holding the one inside. The one in the back is talking first. Then you switch. Hard to be angry & yell when you are communicating in a loving embrace. Of course discussing things in a hot tub might help relax you too, but it could make you more "heated" HA! Again, it all depends what you goal is! Is this a person you love & thus you don't want hurt. I know always easier said than done. I've felt so bad myself for getting upset with a few men in my past when I've felt hurt by them...ahhh the go to your respected corners for a bit can also be worth it for 10 min and then come back & talk.
Some say "Relationships require work" an others say "It should be that hard to work on". It is work, meaning you have to attend to it but it should not feel like "work" you should WANT to do it because IT FEELS GOOD! It is like I tell my students, if you think of it as "School or Homework" then you will not want to do it. For me I LOVED learning! I would read ahead & want to do anything that others would consider homework...ok so that was for psych & maybe not physics but....it is like now...I'm taking courses on Psych & WWII & the instructor is mentioning resources. We were only required to read 1 book or watch a movie for the 1st class. I've watched all 11 hours of the Band of Brothers, Tom Selleck's movie IKE & I've bought like 10 books already! I just can't get enough of it & that is what it should be like when you love the person. At first it may be more of a physical thing when you first meet them but later it is everything, you just can't get enough of them & for the WHOLE SPIRIT!
Geez...I'm starting to sound like Dr. Phil! YIPES! Maybe a mix of some other spiritual guru too! HA! Dang, I think I need to take a cold shower! HA! You men drive me crazy! (That could be a good thing you know!) ;-)
Ok, just some thingsto think about...what I was thinking...I'll go for now but reserve my right to add or clarify myself depending on how others interpret this. And yes, I'll remind myself by reading this from time to time! HA!
Posts
28 comments:
Hey pshychofun, I loved your responses. I really did. I do have a few comments and then love to hear what are your thoughts. When I was talking about "Integrity" its by comparison, not in itself. Cheating is lack of integrity but if a partner whose satisfied and in a great relationships cheats, I think that is a greater lack of integrity; than a spouse who cheats and is in a lousy relationship. Its the measuring cup and the "actions" dont measure that. Heres one question, what are your thoughts on this---If women had the same amount of testostrone as men, do you think we would cheat more? If we look at the statistics, what age range do women tend to cheat more? Hormones are a well supported reason for why men cheat more. Its not a scape goat its true. I struggle with thoughts and I used to just need a kiss for arousal. I always have to shut my mind off to get through the day. I Hate it! Truly. Its a pain in the a__. I'm single but if I was married and wasnt gettin any,lol...but if that was true, I was struggle in monogamous, where its wasnt an issue when I was married. My brain didnt think like this. Guys have it much rougher and just becuase they cheat more, doenst mean they aint struggling big time and the woman has no inner battle to fight. Communication is important and when it comes to sex, women struggle with talk. TOo many stories of lack of orgasms by women, to disagree with that. So, your thoughts?
PART TWO-
If a man is raised by brutal parents, they beat him, treat him like dirt and he grows up to a mass murderer, are his parents also to blame for who he become? My answer is HELL YEAH! So, certain that if another person who was abused horrifically as a child and doesn't grow up a murderer; if they sat down with those who wronged them, an sincere apology or accounting would be a fair request. If they said I needed counseling for twenty years because of what you did, or dated jerks because I didnt value myself, or,,,,or.....We DO infact, have responsibility to what we do to others and what they become. Its something experts dont get and yet in theraphy wants those who hurt their client to participate in their healing. Now, there are times when people do horrible crimes and we cant pinpoint why. Research on hormone abnormalities, brain dysfunction and the list goes on, could add to why one behaves as they do.
PART ONE
Hey pshychofun, its raven again,,hehe,,,,Your a psychology expert too, so tell me truthfully your thoughts on this---
Its not an excuse---- isnt a truth for all occurrences by man. Sometimes its true and sometimes its not. When a woman has been sexually abused horrifically as a child and grows up to be a prostitute, did the person who abused her cause this person to stumble? Did what he do have anything to do with who she became? I realize that some people are sexually abused and dont become prostitutes but that doesnt nullifies my analogy. The person who abused them has some responsibility, if we stand by the fact that abuse does hurt and does alter a person. One of the problems with why people can experience the same suffering and yet become a product of their past or a person who can move on is our personality disposition at birth and other experiences in life. These experiences (parenting, peers, counseling) can halt the paths of abuse and grow up not stagnet. At other times, outside sources offered no possibilities for healing. Its complex but there is always a reason why, we just have to dig in and get them. Everyone is different. The variables are different. The one life truth that remains- We arent raised on the moon. People do impact who we're today and who we become; good or bad.
Response to Raven Part 1:
This is the difference between "Cause" and "Correlation" which is a degree of relatedness. This is why it is very diffcult to say "a person caused this" because there are so many variables & that is my point...not to say it "caused" it...you can't let any one factor have so much weight of influence. It is like being abused as a child may be related to becoming an abuser but you can not say it causes one to be an abuser. Understand. This is why I spend so much time on Correlational Studies with my students. I try to explain that "research" is not synonymous with Experiment! An experiment is A TYPE of research but there are many more types & they do not find a "cause & effect" conclusion. Does that help?
Response to Raven Part 2:
I wrote one & talked about abusers before I read Part 2. Probably now do the same thing for Part 3 Ha!
Again, you can say correlated but not cause because for example you can have 2 siblings being beaten equally & one will have problems & the other doesn't. Why? The predisposition they come in to the world, the support mechanisms they have in life ETC, ETC, ETC! Can you say it may have placed a role or help explain a bit yes but not cause. Too many people also use things sometimes as a crutch or excuse for who they are & do not work to get better. Not to want to get into a Tom Cruise thing, because I disagree with him but Dr. Dyer mentioned it this way, some people have their bag of manure (all the bad of their life) & they whisk it over their shoulder & carry it with them everywhere they go. He talks about in his "Ten Secrets to Success & Inner Peace" how we need to get rid of resentment. We carry this blame & hate for either someone else or ourselves in every moment of our lives. Peace of mind is when you can say this was your problem, I did not thing to deserve or suggest it is ok for you to do this to me & I will not allow you to effect me because then you win even more! Again, what I'm trying to explain is to get away of the fatality of saying anyone or anything has more control over you than you do yourself. Some realize this more than others.
Response to Raven Part 3 (or first entry!):
Well, here again, I don't argue that it is a fact that high levels of testosterone make one have more sexual desire, but again having high sexual desire does not mean you have to go elsewhere. I know some women who have higher sexual desire than men...when we go to the individual level. We have to be careful also to make generalities too. What I am arguing is that high testosterone levels equals/causes/makes men be unfaithful. That is a jump & not a direct link. Now one other factor I forgot to mention is the double standard in our society. Even as one is single it is much more socially acceptable, at least in the US & some other countries but not all, for men to be more promiscuous than women. Even in the gay community this is true. Social acceptability is like reinforcement that is is acceptable. If you think back to our parents & grandparents generation, men had affairs, their wives knew it & they didn't say anything, it was tolerated. In fact, go far enough back or some countries it is assummed to just be a part of marriage. You had your wife & then a women in an apartment somewhere. Watch some old movies & you'll see. Today women just won't accept it so much. Now remember, young boys grow up observing their fathers & thus change is slow. Also young girls grow up hearing & seeing both fathers doing it & mothers accepting it. Again, cause here, no but correlated.
Another general example...I remember when Sept 11th occurred. Tom Cruise (Yep him again...can't stay out of trouble) was on tv upset that people were blaming movie aggression for the aggression in society. Now that alone I would have supported him but he went on to say that he grew up with aggression on tv & he turned out fine! UGH! That is when I'm screaming at the tv like the refs in sports! He went to far. He can't say the aggression in tv is blameless, playing no factor. He can say it may be related, one of many factors but he can't say it has nothing to do with it. That is what I'm saying...one can not say "it is a cause" because their are too many factors which play a role. That is all I was saying about the hormone idea...you can't just place blame on it alone. Even with other psychological conditions, there may be a factor which is playing a bigger role but there are usually multiple factors. Take any one factor out & it changes. Understand.
Part three
To the degree that we argue on how much a babies personlaity is already developed, the number line shows how nothing happens on its own;unless your insane. We're all connected and all our experiences sum-total who we are and become. Its not a crotch....and I agree with you that people carry the baggage and blame others. These people are corrrect to blame others for their present suffering BUT it is equally important to blame yourself for your choosing. Of course, some things that happen to us dont alter us and we can walk unchanged. I can read the horrible news and hear the same story of what is going on in the world and remaind the same. I can read the horrible news everyday, remain the same, and then one day, I get proatctive and start to help others.
You wrote- high sexual desire does not mean you have to go elsewhere. My response is if you aint getting any, and your libido is in overdrive you will go somewhere else....or you will remain in the relationship unhappy......one can only masturbate soo long,,,lol. Yes, if your value system is high, you will try. Humans are infallible. If we're a jerk in a relationship and our partner takes off and has an affair, you and I both know, during a one-on-one counseling session, the jerk behavior will be discussed. We really aren't capable of being treated like dirt every day, rejected every day and think this person can be perfect in that test over time. Some have but they're rare.
PART Four
We're switching roles and not blaming women. I was reading an link today that came off of AOL, which had a voting poll of who was to blame for Christie Brinkely husbands affair. Cook was like 50% and the adulterous was only 4%,lol...I laughed,,,,she is just as wrong as him. I made a joke on the comments. "Im sure if we saw a video of them having sex, and listening to her uuuu and ahhh,,we might find her at fault too."
You wrote- Social acceptability is like reinforcement that is is acceptable. I agree with you. Double standards big time. Women aren't tested like men are in monogamy. So, we really should have more compassion and this leads to us meeting their needs. It also keeps us from being a hypocrite, when we goto them to meet our needs and desire their compassion.
Your wrote- Peace of mind is when you can say this was your problem. I agree with you. I also agree Tom Cruise has issues,lol......What I'm saying is not lessening our accountability for our choices, what its saying, is someone screwed with our heads at some point on the number line and created a line- A test, A trial, An altered us. We didn't do it,,they did. Then after the line is drawn, we have to take responsibility for ourselves. We must choose how we will take the test. Accountability, does give us peace of mind.
PART TWO
0----------I---------------------------------I-----------------I
birth no father hate women abused at 7 etc
Your wrote- Do not find a "cause & effect" conclusion---OK its like this. I think this will better understand what I'm saying. If you have a piece of paper and on it you would a number line. It starts off at zero (when your born), and ends with the year your born. I think of life like this. If on this number line you drew little marks for significant moments in a persons behavior (like graduation, dropout, promiscuity, celibacy, religious beliefs, rapist, child molester,,,etc), it would be inaccurate 95% of the time to observe each line or behavior, as if it sets itself apart and wasn't on the number line. Some people take that event off the number line and analyze on its own. That's called individual accountability but to keep it off the line would be saying, your behavior has nothing to do with experience. Its like insanity, a moment off on its own thats not connected,,,which I disagree
The line of our choosing'S, (behavior and reaction) is connected to anything and everything that has happened to us with respect to our individual personality birth rights. A person can be born with a strength in sensitivity, and when abused as child, commits suicide. A person can be born wit ha strength of perseverance, and when abused, one day becomes a counselor. I know people debate on the extent of personality at birth, but its also a religious belief or bias,lol....that we are born with in our uniqueness. We can prove that little babies are sooo different from each other early on but this is always a debate on how significant this is. If you weave a blanket with different personality traits, neediness, independence, sensitivity, demanding,,,,its limitless...and I believe babies already possess that.
PART ONE---psychofun,,,I just know if we went out to lunch, we would fall out laughing and some great convos,,,,anything,,,heres more
Hey you, OK, having read those, which it would be much easier in person because in some ways we're saying the same thing, I'm just putting a greater significance on "cause" and your saying its possible, not always true but not provable.....?
. Stumbling acknowledges where we can change people but I do agree with you, it doesn't take away from calling what we do wrong WRONG. When a man cheats its wrong. I can sympathize when people screw up if they have had more experiences in life that they've had to overcome.
Just something different, but on the subject,,something I had learned
I remember reading in the paper about one of the worst known child abuse cases known. This guy had been in prison for many years and was getting out. A Psychologist went to visit him, near his release and this guy admitted he didn't know if he could not violate anyone again. HE said he hoped he would never do it again. He had molested children from all age ranges including babies. I was disgusted...then he talked about his stumbling. This was proven and his story was true. So, I imagine what he said happening to me. When he was a young boy and all through his childhood, his father would invite his friends and they would take his son out in the woods and each have sex with him. It was like a line up and they all violated him. The father too. I imagined, forgive the graphics but a little boy bent over and all those men doing that. and all through his childhood. I cried. I dont remember why made me have a quick 30 second imagining it, but I think its because the horrible things that this man had done, I didnt see him as human. I wanted to understand him. Its was just a brief thought, but in that second, I cried for the little boy that now was a brutal man. Its like that movie Jennifer Lopez was in. I dont remember the name but she could visit this criminal in dreams and see what happened to him as a child. To find compassion for evil people, its more like an act of God,lol....its not easy. Yes, someone else could go through that and not hurt others, but that is rare. Most of us would have a lifetime of behavior trying to pass the test, someone gave us.
Response to Raven Part 4:
Poll on Christie....oh man be careful on those...I have my students critically think about them. Who are the subjects responding? Age, Gender, Culture etc. Don't even look at those! Also, while I am in agreement that it takes two to make a relationship work, it can be more one sided. I mean to say Christie is definitely in the wrong, we don't know? She could have done everything fine & he would still cheat. It could be soooo many factors. She could be too accommodating actually...that is a very interesting factor.
"So, we really should have more compassion and this leads to us meeting their needs." Wait....with that logic if you say well one was abused so we should have more compassion if they turn into an abuser? Sorry doesn't work. We should talk to men more & not have the double standard & say it is ok. We should not accept it anymore!
But what I was stating is that the "perp" does not have to draw the line in the first place...there are so many factors which can make sure it is not drawn.
"how much a babies personlaity is already developed,"
Research shows, say for even happiness, is a 50/50 on inborn & environmental influences.
"We're all connected and all our experiences sum-total who we are and become."
Not just experiences though.
"These people are corrrect to blame others for their present suffering BUT it is equally important to blame yourself for your choosing."
Point was as Dr Dyer says placing blame doesn't nothing. It does not help any. Even if the person who did it won't take accountability you can change. You don't need that. You don't have to let them effect you until they say I'm to blame. Again, this is a locus of control thing. Some feel others control them or fate, luck etc & others are more internal & say only I effect myself. I am a HIGH Internal! Bet you can tell. Dr. Phil will tell you this too...and some things he is correct.
"Of course, some things that happen to us dont alter us and we can walk unchanged. "
Yes, but again due to NUMEROUS factors, not just your hormones or what you are born with & sometimes more that than experiences.
"you aint getting any, and your libido is in overdrive you will go somewhere else..or you will remain in the relationship unhappy"
Some are fine their whole lives & happy though. Again it is what do you believe "Sex & Making Love is". Again, think of Dana & Chris Reeve.
"We really aren't capable of being treated like dirt every day, rejected every day and think this person can be perfect in that test over time.
Oh well here you are talking about much more than just not getting sex in your life & I agree. Anyone would be smart to leave that relationship for much more of a reason than just sex being absent. Heck, I'd be glad not to have sex with a person like this actually! The problem is when people let it get this far down the road & again this just supports my comments on communicati
PART ONE---psychofun,,,I just know if we went out to lunch, we would fall out laughing and some great convos...
Totally!
"Hey you, OK, having read those, which it would be much easier in person because in some ways we're saying the same thing, I'm just putting a greater significance on "cause" and your saying its possible, not always true but not provable.....?"
Yes, that is what I'm saying!
"Stumbling acknowledges where we can change people but I do agree with you, it doesn't take away from calling what we do wrong WRONG. When a man cheats its wrong. I can sympathize when people screw up if they have had more experiences in life that they've had to overcome."
Well, I'd agree with this but not use it as an excuse I guess I was seeing that more from your viewpoint but maybe you didn't mean it that way.
The movie was "Enough" & I just watched it about 3 weeks ago. Yes, I agree totally with you on your example, that kind of situation is very hard to change but this is because he got so old without intervention. I do have compassion but do NOT excuse it or say he can not control it by taking steps so that he will not do it. For a lighter example, it is like a smoker trying to stop smoking but they go & hang around smokers. Understand? You can take steps to not set yourself up to behave this way. And yes this is a rare case & you can't really use it to explain & excuse men for infidelity...or women for that matter!
Part three
You said---Anyone would be smart to leave that relationship for much more of a reason than just sex being absent. Heck, I'd be glad not to have sex with a person like this actually! The problem is when people let it get this far down the road & again this just supports my thoughts on communication.......I agree but the test is still difficult. We dont need to all be taking the same one to not understand another persons level of difficulty. When I was married my ex met my needs for seven years and so did I. I didnt struggle with thoughts, we probably had sex four times a week. Then my ex=boyfriend, I call, "A quickie nightmare",,,I went months without one. He knew it. No sounds of the impending orgasm came my way. I was soo frustrated. I felt violated. I was disgusted with him. I started to reject him. I also felt bad, because I'm old fashion and beleive its better to wait til marriage but I dont have a great sucess story with that. I tend to fail every two years,lol....now its really rough. If I was married and my needs werent met, it would change my heart. Sex is IMPORTANT! Its a way to show you love someone. Orgasms are like getting 100% on your test,lol...
Part two--
You said- Point was as Dr Dyer says placing blame doesn't nothing. It does not help any. I say, it does. Its a great place where victims can see where they falsely blame. When examining a clients behavior, if they blame themeslves for being raped or sexually abused, finding the true source of blame helps. Its also good to reveal the true blame because that is where healing begins because we cant move on with hatred. To say to someone whose been given a trial and test by someone else, "This test didnt start with you but now it begins with you ending it with a passing grade." It shows accountability for all.
YOu said- Some are fine their whole lives & happy though. Again it is what do you believe "Sex & Making Love is". Again, think of Dana & Chris Reeve. I agree with that but they were given a test and chose to handle it with love. Dana is the one who made the great sacrifice, Chris had no choices in it but to learn how to deal with not being able to please her as he chose. That argument is an ideal,,,,I love Chris Reeve, he is a brave man. If he at some point would have lived and walked one day, I think its obvioius, they would have had a different type of intimacy and would never had wanted what they had before. Its a survival thing. You do your best with what you can.
hormones rule the body until our minds can conquer them. Men and women have different tests. Men are taking the PHD exam and women are taking a highschool test. The majority, always room for exceptions. My girlfriend needs sex daily or gets really irritable. I joke with her and call her a HE-SHE,,lol...her response to not getting her needs met, is typical of men but she is the only gal I know like that.
Parte one
You said---"So, we really should have more compassion and this leads to us meeting their needs." Wait....with that logic if you say well one was abused so we should have more compassion if they turn into an abuser? Sorry doesn't work.
Motives is a fair judgment. If a kid who is spoiled and grows up getting his way and kills his parents, would you have the same level of compassion for a kid who killed his parents who sexually and physically abused him? Grace is given far more, when your choice in behavior comes from hostile conditions. Its also reveals a higher level of integrity when your handed a hard test and you choose differently.
You said---But what I was stating is that the "perp" does not have to draw the line in the first place...there are so many factors which can make sure it is not drawn. Ok, what I'm saying if the line isnt drawn on the number line, its still a choice to NOT do something.
I'm not saying sex is not an important part of a relationship & also that it is relative on importance to everyone & you have to be near each other in your viewpoint. To jump the gun & feel upset may be making the problem worse rather than asking there is a reason lets try to figure this out together. Many times it is a misunderstanding & then it just boils into something else & people even forget what it was all about...sad over something little initially.
Oh wait...I did say it is not "your fault" you are raped etc. And you can hold one accountable, I didn't say that was a problem but to use a blame like an excuse to continue the status quo is what I aruge. To say it is hormones & therefore nothing you can do about it or we should have compassion & excuse men is just not right.
I think we should not assume that Dana & Chris were not having a wonderful happy sexual relationship. It is hard for some to believe because we focus on the full deal but what one finds as one gets older as quantity is replaced by quality & our expectations we had as young people die down a bit. We think it should always be hot & ravenous & that just isn't always the case.
Ah...I'm not sure what you mean by men are taking the PhD & women are HS? Especially as a women who has part of her PhD done! HA!
Other than self-defense, but that has to be a crime of passion...at the moment of being abused for example, it is not excusable. Premeditated doesn't work! Would I have more compassion for the one abused..sure but I would not say it is more ok! I would say both probably had a hard life but in just different ways.
I was confused on what you mean on the draw the line one.
Hey pshychofun,,I fell out laughing when you wrote---Ah...I'm not sure what you mean by men are taking the PhD & women are HS? Especially as a women who has part of her PhD done! HA!
What I meant is be monogamous requires a different level of difficulty to succeed. Men are taking the PHD test(MUCH higher hormones) and women are taking the high-school exam. Its hard to measure "degree of integrity", just to agree if both get an F, they failed but one may had to work much harder to pass. (oh boy, could I have fun with some comical puns with that statement,lol.)
Your wrote- crime of passion...at the moment of being abused for example, it is not excusable. Premeditated doesn't work! Would I have more compassion for the one abused..sure but I would not say it is more ok! I would say both probably had a hard life but in just different ways.
I agree, in the end accountability for ones actions is the same. The level of evil, vindictiveness, hatred, who it takes to kill,,,etc,,,,how the crime goes down does reveal Man slaughter 1, 2,,,etc,,,We look at the degree in which a crime went down, to analize the criminal. When I look at the test a person was given that caused them to stumble, I also hold up in high-regard, what choices did they make aftewards. Personally, I fluctuate with grace and compassion based on what a person has gone through and who they're today. I dont excuse their behavior becomes of what someone has done, I just understand their heart more. And, I dont negate the test they were given...
Why dont they have spell check in these comments boxes,,,its not like I go back and read what I wrote,lol...
..I dont excuse their behavior BECAUSE of what someone else has done, I just understand their heart more. And, I dont negate the test they were given...
There were more, but I am afraid to re-read,,,hehe
I feel like I just step into a world chit here. I've read this and read some of the comments here. Am I in a private sessions? Cause I can leave.....No, ok.
Ya (yes I am southern, but not dumb) every think to ask a cheater or cheatee what they make think? Personnally as a cheater & cheatee. It is a decision that a persons makes. Screw the body fluids, the Mind calls the shots. If what this Professinal says is true then. I would eat a gallon of Rocky Road ice cream when I am PMS'ing and my dear hubby would be humping objects like the neighbors stupid dog does. Listen we have ideas and such. But one really must be Life Experience to speak of such things. Cause it really pisses me off when you talk of such things that don't mean a hill beans to you but does me. So Mr. Professional (something tells me your male) get a clue to the truth of the matter. Then come talk to me. Until then Have a Nice Day.
Psychfun..thank you for a though provoking moment. (where is my spell check!)
Brenda
Great post. I find it interesting that "men cheat". My personal experience is that I have known more women who cheat than men. I don't think the cause of cheating is physical, it is probably more an issue of longing for something more psychologically rooted.
Then there are the "swingers". Where do they fit into that equation?
Chris
http://inanethoughtsandinsaneramblings.blogspot.com/
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