What About Punishment?

Here is the handout I give my students. I have the sources at the bottom!
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                                                  What About Punishment?

                                                  Is Punishment Ideal?

Punishment is a method in suppressing inappropriate behaviors quickly & may be warranted in emergencies, such as when a child is going to touch a hot stove. But many learning theorists agree that punishment is usually undesirable, especially in rearing children, for the following reasons:

1. Frequent punishment may lose it effectiveness, thus the punishment's severity will continue to increase to the point of severe side effects occurring.

2. Punishment does not in itself suggest an alternative, acceptable form of behavior.

3. Punishment tends to suppress undesirable behavior only under circumstances in which its delivery is guaranteed. It does not take children long to learn that they can "get away with murder" with one parent or one teacher, but not with another.

4. Punished children may escape or avoid the situation & or punisher! Severely punished children may run away, cut class, or drop out of school.

5. Punishment can create strong emotional responses, including fear, anxiety, anger and hostility, and resentment (Staus & Gelles, 1986; Parke & Slaby, 1983).

6. Punishment may generalize too far. The child who is punished severely for bad table manners may stop eating altogether. Overgeneralization is more likely to occur when children do not know exactly why they are being punished and when they have not been shown acceptable alternative behaviors.

7. Punishment may be modeled as a way of solving problems or coping with stress. One way that children learn is by observing others. Children may either hit smaller siblings or destroy objects in the home. And even though children may not immediately perform the behavior they observe, they may perform it later on, even as adults, when their circumstances are similar to those of the MODEL. For example, many child abusers were beaten by their own parents (Simons, et al., 1991).

8. Children who are severely punished may become withdrawn, inhibited, and less active than other children.

9. When punishment is unpredictable and inescapable, both animals & humans may helpless and depressed.
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                                        Making Punishment More Effective

 

Should punishment be absolutely necessary, using the following guidelines will minimize the side effects of punishment & make it much more effective:

1. Don't use punishment at all if you can discourage the inappropriate behavior in other ways. One of the major flaws in punishment is that it only tells the child what NOT to do! First see what will happen if you ignore the behavior. Of course not a child touching a hot stove etc. but a less severe misbehavior. Next try reinforcing the appropriate behavior. Many times the inappropriate behavior willdrop-out.

 

2. Punish with kindness and respect. Retain the self-respect of the one being punished. Do not punish a person in front of others, if at all possible.

 

3. Apply punishment during or immediately after the inappropriate behavior. One of the fundamental mistakes in the use of punishment is delaying punishment, such as, "Wait until your father (or mother) gets home..." This example also explains the ineffectiveness of punishment on pets when they misbehavior while owners are away & then punished when they return.

 

4. Use punishment just severe enough to be effective. It is best to use the minimal amount of punishment needed to stop the inappropriate behavior.

 

5. Make punishment consistent. When parents are inconsistent about punishing a particular behavior (either between parents or over time with one parent) they create more confusion than learning.

6. Explain the punishment. Punishment is most effective when the reasons for the punishment are explain to the children in methods appropriate for their age. Again, this is a major reason why punishment is less effective in pets.

 

7. Minimize dependence on physical punishment. Punishment should not be relied upon on a consistent basis when alternative methods will provide much more effective changes in behavior. Physical punishment usually has a temporary attention, whereas other methods of punishment such as withdrawal of privileges can give children hours to contemplate the wisdom of changing their ways.

 

8. Make sure to remove all sources of reinforcement. Many times punishment is not needed, as well as, less effective because other sources of reinforcement are strengthening the inappropriate behavior. Such as the class-clown who is punished by the teacher but it reinforced in many different ways by fellow classmates!

 

9. Be willing to admit your mistake if you wrongfully punish someone or if you punished too severely.

 

** Remember: One should want to behave well to receive your praise,

rather than fear your punishment!!

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References:

 

Coon, D. (1995). Introduction to Psychology: Exploration & Application; West Publishing Co, St. Paul, MN 6th Ed).

Dworetzky, J. (1996). Introduction to Child Development: West Publishing, St. Paul, MN (6th Ed.).

Etaugh, C., & Rathus, S. (1995). The World of Children: Harcourt Brace & Company, Orlando, FL.

Meyers, D. (1996). Exulorin2 Psycholo2Y: Worth Publishing, New York, NY, (3rd Ed).

Seifert, K., & Hoffnung, R. (1997). Child and Adolescent Development: Houghton Mifflin Company, Boston, MA

4th Ed.).

Weiten, W. (1995). Themes & Variations: Brooks/Cole Publishing Co., Pacific Grove, CA, (3rd Ed).

More Work To Be Done!

Well, AOL just crashed on me & luckily I saved this before it did so lets try posting this again....

Well, I woke up about 7am & as I tried to fall back to sleep I realized I had another headache starting so I got up. Ugh! Not sure what is it? Weather maybe? Hormones? Ugh!

Got to the computer & another "headache" reading the NY Times article "In Many Public Schools, The Paddle Is No Relic".  Yes, this was in a southern state of TX. They have a map in the article showing what percentage per state. It reminds me of when I was working on my PhD at Mississippi State University. I had an educational psychology class where all but one other guy and myself believed in paddling. These classmates of mine were mostly older principals & superintendents of the state. The one gentleman who did not believe in it was still traumatized from having his hands broken from paddlings by his principal. This class period was not handled well by the professor! He allowed it to get into a hostile environment with one particular principal attacking me saying, "I Knew You Were Not From Here"...go figure you can tell right away when I talk! No, appreciation for multi-culturalism is not great there.

Well, little did I know this would make such a difference & is one of my reminders how one voice can make a difference & how every event can change the world or a small piece& then lead to a chain reaction! I had no clue what would be the result of this one class periods heated discussion. Turns out everyone but myself did their final paper & presentation on corporal punishment. I didn't know ahead of time. Just one after the other got up & presented their papers on the topic. Now there is one piece I should mention first. After this conversation this young, brand new professor asks me to sit down to talk to him in his office when I went to pick up my test results. He says, "I'm not sure you noticed, but not many people seem to like you in class!" HA! I'm still shaking my head & laughing now! I smiled big & said, "Really????" (Place HUGE sarcasm here!) I then said, "Well, you know I'm not here to make friends, I'm here to get an education!" and I left his office! I don't think he expected this from me. Those who know me would not be surprised! So with each student getting up doing their paper/presentation on this & finding out the research does not support corporal punishment it was quite interesting! I tried not to look at the professor because I knew this had to be not only a message to me to believe in myself even when everyone disagrees but it might just be a message for him. And I should add he was not from MS either!

Now the last presentation the last presentation was from the woman who was a principal & used paddles (one for girls and one for boys). She was the one that said "I Knew You Were Not From Here!" She got up & the first thing she said was, "You all know I was very hard on someone here that day we discuss corporal punishment. I want you to know after reading the research I no longer paddle my students." WOW! My heart just sank thinking of all the students who would be saved from this! Oh, and that day, I was sitting right next to my professor! OUCH!

Ok, so now I read this article this mornning & it isn't like I didn't think it still existed & I changed the whole world, but it was just a reminder that there is more work to be done! I spend a great deal of time with this with my students as well. I will be sending a letter to the principal! Nicely! For some reason their school website's Contact Us had all the links for emails off...wonder why! :-) I'll be sending him one of my handout (I'll post next!) I give my students (you can read if you want) and an very interesting article, which I have a school but I'll try to post the link for you next week. It is just frustrating sometimes, but I guess to have a small impact in changing the world for the better is a great feeling. If you like to write the principal etc here is the school link: Everman School  They also have an interesting 80% or Better School policy where all students are expected to get 80% or better on all work! Hmmm! Wonder what happens if they do not.

It just always gets me how they call the South "The Bible Belt" but do they really get what Jesus was all about? Where did they miss he was about LOVE? I just can't imagine he would want this!

Happy Fall

Hi! It is early! (Well, it was earlier when I started this! Ha!) I woke up with a slight headache, so I thought best to get up & take a few Tylenol & try to get rid of it. Thought I'd relax a bit & clean out my full mailbox & make a posting wishing you a Happy First Day of Fall!  Just changed the background etc on the AOL & getting into the season!


It has been unusally cool by me already, but I've seen some pix of the east coast & they already have many more colors than we do here. I don't think it will be too long for us though if you take a look. Don't miss out as they begin to change. There are some really nice colors beginning! Also watch out for those scurrying squirrels crossing the streets!  They are working hard gathering their nuts for the winter! They will be running all over the place. Maybe we should have caution signs out for the fall.  (Ha, sorry...must be the headache & lack of sleep!)  I saw a man yesterday feeding the squirrels. Yep! He was in his front yard & throwing nuts to the squirrels. They were coming up pretty close to him. Looked like fun. Boy, they really have it easy! Kinda like the fast food of squirrels! GEEZ...everyone is getting into this societal thing! I wonder if they were organic nuts? Pretty soon all the squirrels will be suing us they are fat & won't be able to gather for themselves anymore! (Ok, now I know it really is the headache! Ha!)

Looks like we are in for my strong storms again today. Stay warm & dry! I'm off to get my hair cut, that is a great way to bring in the new season!  Just a trim though and to brighten the color a bit! Gotta find some fall color nail polish too...this summer pink just doesn't feel right now. Have to work on the deck a bit too. My coleus are HUGE! I'm not sure what I'm going to do with them? Trying to find a spot to bring them inside where the cats won't get to them. They are really pretty though. I'll try to take a pix this weekend.
 
The holidays will be here before we know it!  Hopefully my foot will be ready! HA! Yep, I saw Dr. Z. yesterday & bugged him a bit...well someone has to.  He says to wear my big brace one more week (apparently he saw some swelling still) and then I can try 1/2 day the brace & half day the pull on brace for 2 weeks. He says as long as it does ok I wouldn't have to come back for 3 weeks...ya I graduated to one more week! I told him not to worry I won't immediately go out dancing...do you know the little bugger said to me "Define Immediately!" I was going to kill him! HA! Do you think he is getting to know me too well?

Have you noticed they already have Christmas stuff out in the stores? GEEZ! I mean it does cheer you up a bit, but I swear that is what makes us not enjoy the holiday as much once it gets here. We are sick of it by then.  

Here is what the Farmer's Almanac says for our winter by me:

 

Winter will be colder than normal, on average, especially in the west. Precipitation will be below normal, with below-normal snowfall except in the west and in areas that receive lake snows in a southwesterly flow. The coldest temperatures will be around Christmas and in early and mid- to late January and early and late February. The heaviest lake snows will be in early and mid-December and mid-January. The heaviest general snowfalls will be in mid-December, early and late January, and mid-February.

Hmmm.... maybe I should go visit Mom & Dad in AZ! HA!   Well, lets see if they are correct. Maybe we should do Christmas shopping early when it is warmer? Well, it is now time for me to get up! HA! My alarms are going off. Have to go get ready for my day. May head to the Farmer's Market in town first. Well, I hope you have a lovely first day of Fall. Watch out for those squirrels!

Metaphor for Life?

Ok, John has a good one you have to check out! I'm too tired to link it directly to my journal so just click here. This is just too cool. Could be a Metaphor for Life if you think about it! HA! No....me think! Think about some of the specific complicated, bursting parts, how one domino makes others fall in many different directions etc...seee!!!

Ok, so it could be just some college student or Frat who has too much time on their hands! See this is why professors give you homework! Dang...I miss college now! Ha!

Those Annoying Little Things

I got this email too & I really love it. Actually, my students did a Sept 11th Powerpoint project last week & one of them found 2 victims where the opposite happened. One it was the 2nd day on the job & another had a fear of flying. I suppose it can go both ways but I always try to remember it like this when I'm running late too.

As you might know, the head of a company survived 9/11 because his sone started Kindergarten.

Another fellow was alive because it was his turn to bring donuts.

One woman was late because her Alarm Clock didn't go off on time.

One was late because of being stuck on the NJ Turnpike because of an auto accident.

One of them missed  his bus.

One spilled food on her clothes and had to take time to change.

One's car wouldn't start.

One went back to answer the telephone.

One had a child that dawdled and didn't get ready as soon as he should have.

One couldn't get a taxi.

The one that struck me was the man who put on a new pair of shoes that morning, took the various meansto get to work but before he got there, he developed a blister on his foot. He stopped at the drugstore to buy a Band-Aid. That is why he is alive today.

Now when I am stuck in traffic, miss an elevator, turn buack to answer a ringing telephone...All the little things that annoy me, I think to myself, This is exactly where God wants me to be at this very moment.

Next time your morning seems to be going wrong, the children are slow getting dressed, you can't seem to find the car keys, you hit every traffic light, Don't get mad or frustrated, God is at work watching over you.

May God continue to bless you
With all those annoying little things
And may you remember their possible purpose.

A Superman in the Making

Check out this ad for TJ Maxx! There is an adorable little blonde boy in a Superman costume! He is just sooooo cute! Boy are the little girls lucky to have a Superman like him! :-) And to think what kind of Superman he may grow up to be! Oh I know he could equally grow up to be some troubled soul, but somehow I just can't believe that! ;-) He also has that little devilish look! :-) Gotta have a little bit of that.

So anyone going to have some Halloween fun? Whatcha going to do? Costume?

Good Ideas

They don't have "tired" ugh...frustrated is close! Wasn't in the best of mood when I woke up...weather? foot? hormones? Missing Someone? Chocolate Deprived? Maybe all of the above! HA! Somehow I got a whole lot done at work. Maybe it is one of those things like artists creating when they are down? 2 new activities, revised 2 powerpoints & outcomes, other handouts...man I'm exhausted just listing it all. No wonder I'm dead tired! Nothing a good massage could not cure! HA!


Well did you get an email with this? I just did & I love them. Anyone try any of theses?

Good Ideas:   (helpful hints)

 

Reheat Pizza:  Heat up leftover pizza in a non-stick skillet on top of the stove, set heat to med-low and heat till warm. This keeps the crust crispy. No soggy micro pizza. I saw this on the cooking channel and it really works. Mona, Orlando, FL

 

Easy Deviled Eggs:  Put cooked egg yolks in a zip lock bag. Seal, mash till they are all broken up. Add remainder of ingredients, reseal, keep mashing it up mixing thoroughly, cut the tip of the baggy, squeeze mixture into egg. Just throw bag away when done easy clean up. Janet, Killeen, TX

 

Expanding Frosting: When you buy a container of cake frosting from the store, whip it with your mixer for a few minutes. You can double it in size. You get to frost more cake/cupcakes with the same amount. You also eat less sugar/calories per serving. Kathy, Mesick, MI

 

Reheating Refrigerated Bread: To warm biscuits, pancakes, or muffinsthat were refrigerated, place them in a microwave with a cup of water. The increased moisture will keep the food moist and help it reheat faster. Dave, Camden, DE

 

Newspaper Weeds Away:  Start putting in your plants,work the nutrients in your soil. Wet newspapers and put layers around the plants overlapping as you go cover with mulch and forget about weeds. Weeds will get through some gardening plastic they will not get through wet newspapers. Linda, Monmouth Jct., NJ

 

Broken Glass:  Use a dry cotton ball to pick up little broken glass pieces of glass- the fibers catch ones you can't see! Olive, Santee, CA

 

No More Mosquitoes:  Place a dryer sheet in your pocket.  It will keep the mosquitoes away. Diane, Moran, SC

 

Squirrel Away!:  To keep squirrels from eating your plants sprinkle your plants with cayenne pepper. The cayenne pepper doesn't hurt the plant and the squirrels won't come near it. Kathy, Maumelle, AR

 

MINE !!!!!  If you purchase a new bike for your child, place their picture inside the handle bar before placing the grips on. if the bike is stolen and later recovered, remove the grip and there is your proof who owns the bike. Janet, Carthage, IL

 

Flexible Vacuum:  To get something out of a heat register or under the fridge add an empty paper towel roll or empty gift wrap roll to your vacuum.  It can be bent or flattened to get in narrow openings. Donna, Anderson, SC

 

Reducing Static Cling:  Pin a small safety pin to the seam of your slip and you will not have a clingy skirt or dress. Same thing works with slacks that cling when wearing panty hose. Place pin in seam of slacks and -voila - static is gone. Pam, Maple Rapids, NH

 

Measuring Cups:  Before you pour sticky substances into a measuring cup, fill it with hot water. Dump out the hot water, but don't dry the cup. Next, add your ingredient, such as peanut butter, and watch how easily it comes right out. Kim, Goldsboro, NC

 

Foggy Windshield? Hate foggy windshields? Buy a chalkboard eraser and keep it in the glove box of your car. When the windows fog, rub with the eraser! Works better than a cloth! Alicia, Tampa, FL

 

Reopening envelopes:   If you seal an envelope and then realize you forgot to include something inside, just place your sealed envelope in the freezer for an hour or two. Voila! It unseals easily. Mary, Lockhart, TX

 

Conditioner:   Use your hair conditioner to shave your legs. It's a lot cheaper than shaving cream and leaves your legs really smooth. It's also a great way to use up the conditioner you bought but didn't like when you tried it in your hair... Kerry, Canada,

 

Goodbye Fruit Flies: To get rid of pesky fruit flies, take a small glass fill it 1/2" with Apple Cider Vinegar and 2 drops of dishwashing liquid, mix well. You will find those flies drawn to the cup and gone forever! Barbra, Birch Run, MI

 

Get Rid of Ants:  Put small piles of cornmeal where you see ants. They eat it, take it "home," & can't digest it so it kills them.. It may take a week or so, esp. if it rains, but it works & you don't have the worry about pets or small children being harmed! Teresa, Mitchell, SD

 

Take baby powder to the beach:  Keep a small bottle of baby powder in your beach bag. When you're ready to leave the beach sprinkle yourself and kids with the powder and the sand will slide right off your skin.

TWO WORDS

Ok, this is from SAHM:

TWO WORDS

You can only type 2 words....no more....no less.

1. yourself: Passionate, Loving

2. your husband: Lost, Coming

3. your hair: blonde, thin

4. your mother: fun, loving

5. your father: Giving, Honorable

6. your favorite item: Pictures, Heirlooms

7. your dream last night: Shower, Exposing

8. your favorite drink:  Sangria, Coconut

9. your car: Silver, SUV

10. the room you are in:  Relaxing, Woodsy

11. your ex boyfriend/girlfriend: Handsome, Intelligent

12. your fear: dying, pain

13. where you want to be in 10 years: Woods, Beach

14. what you're not: Over Him

15. your best friends: Away, Giving

16. one of your wish list items: Love, Children

17. the last thing you did: Taught, Driving

18. what are you wearing: Black, Strapes

19. your favorite weather: Snow, Clouds

20. your favorite zoo animals? Whales, Dolphins

21. your thought for the day? Aspire to Inspire before you Expire

22. your favorite book: Excalibur, Colorful

23. last thing you ate: Chicken, Beans

24. your life: Missing Someone

25. your mood: Chillin, Tired

26. your body: hurts, tired

27. what are you thinking about right now: Missing Person

28. your crush: Pierce, Tom

29. what are you doing at the moment: M*A*S*H, Reminiscing

30. your summer schedule: Teaching, Fun

He/She is soooo Annoying Now!

NOTE: Sorry I clicked post before getting pix in & then I thought of some more so try reading the end again if you read this already!!!

Ok, I have to share a posting or rather series of posting with all of you because it goes along with what I've been posting about lately. Take a look at RebuketheWorld. Interesting postings on dating and love etc.

Here is my reply:

Very interesting & on topic with what I've been posting lately...take a look.

I think the other main problem is that people are looking for Mr./Ms. Perfect & the problem is there is no such thing. Sure we have to see the whole picture & put into context but in what context is the important key. Are these behaviors just annoying? Why are they annoying? Are they harming me. If he doesn't squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom will that hurt me? Does it hurt him? We get caught up in letting things stress us & think there is someone else better (certainly not talking about abusive relationships here...yes get out) but everyone has "flaws" or things WE consider flaws & we forget we have just as annoying or worse even behaviors to others. The idea is to add up the "flaws we see" with the positive behaviors. When we focus just on "flaws" we forget why & what we loved about them. People can wait their whole life for "something better around the corner" (in The Lake House even) and that doesn't mean you have to settle for less but you can't hold out for love of a perfect person either!!!

Also....we have to remember what one findz annoying another may love. Remember in Pride & Prejudice the cousin that is sooo annoying does find the friend of Elizabeth to marry. She likes him. Actually, I can think back to a few people that had some expressions that at the time I found annoying but I just love them now & fondly remember them for it. You know someone does love a person who would be like Fran Drescher's Nanny or Karen on Will & Grace...or even this lovely character Chris Farley did! HA! Isn't this world great! Remember HITCH? I love that guy...he was soooo adorable!

More Drooling! ;-)

(Long Sigh) The man is just.... ;-) Mom finally decided she wanted to see the movie & of course I jumped at the chance. I came in late...not by much but my mom & sis where watching & my mom leans past my sister & flashes me a huge smile. I could tell she was so happy I kept begging her to see the movie. Last week she said, "I saw him tonight, 'A Walk in the Clouds' was on". I'm like, "Mom this is even better than that." Mom & I have fairly similar tastes. And my friends are always quite surprised how my mom will just drool over the men too. She has the hots for Antonio Banderas & quite frankly I agree! I remember when I was a teen she'd be driving us downtown in Chicago to go shopping & she'd be pointing out the cute guys. I know, I know, I'd be like "MOM!...can you watch where you are driving instead please!" HA! This will totally tell you how she is...she meets this guy that wants to date me my Sr. yr in H.S. He was a big guy, 6'3" or more & a football player & is quite a bit older than I was. The poor guy (don't feel too sorry for him he was a dog!) she made him stand up & turn around slowly so she could check him out. I'm not lying! HA! He was so embarrassed he couldn't tell me until we were going out for like a month. I just kept on him to tell me. You know now I'm thinking he should have taken it as a compliment really Ha! I mean she did ok it for me to go out with him so she must have liked what she saw.

Ok, so mom is joining me & the other women in the theater who are drooling. Bunch of 50 plus women again. The two ladies behind me are talking about how they live in Riverside where some of it was filmed. Then the one lady behind me at the end movie says "Finely" real loud when they finally get together! Oh I didn't ruin anything because you know it is rare for Hollywood to not have a happy fairy tale ending! HA! You could hear all the women crying too, it was so funny! They are sniffling etc. Yep, I had a tear rolling down my cheeck again too. I swear guys should go to these "Chick Flicks" because they would see what women want...at least once in a while!!! I mean none of us really want this all the time. It would be exhausting even for us but certainly more than it usually occurs. And you know, I just can't believe that men don't want this too. I mean ya, ya sex but I think men do like romance to. I think they like the romancing & to be romanced. EVERYONE loves to feel special & loved. And to have the person we love feel we are incredibly desirous (yes, that is hot & sexy but something more...at least I think so)

And it is so perfect that "The Mirror Has Two Faces" is on now. Great example. There is such a great scene when Rose (Barbra Streisand) is in the classroom talking about love. Here is the scene:

 "This is the scene at my sister's wedding.
   
She's getting drunk, regretting that she got married for the third time. My mom's sprouting snakes from her hair in jealousy. lt was perfect ...We've got three feminine archetypes: The divine whore, Medusa  and me. What archetype am l?
 
The Virgin Mary? - Thanks a lot, Trevor. No, the faithful handmaiden. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

lt proves what Jung said all along. Myths and archetypes are alive and well and living in my apartment. As l stood beside the altar beside my sister and her husband to be it struck me that this ritual, a wedding ceremony, is the last scene of a fairy tale. They never say what happens after.  That Cinderella drove the prince mad by obsessively cleaning the castle.
             
They don't say what happens after because there is no after. The be-all and end-all of romantic love was ... Mike?  Sex? - You have sex on the brain. Marriage. - But it wasn't always like that. The   th century had ''courtly love'', which had nothing to do with sex.  The relationship between a knight and a married lady of the court ... And so they could never consummate their love. They rose above ''going to the toilet in front of each other'' love, and went after something more divine. They took sex out of the equation, leaving them with a union ofsouls. Think of this. Sex was always the fatal love potion. Look at the literature of the time. All consummation could lead to was madness, despair or death. Experts, scholars and my Aunt Esther are united in one belief:  True love has spiritual dimensions, while romantic love is a lie.  A myth. A soulless manipulation.

And speaking of manipulation ... lt's like going to the movies and seeing the lovers kiss ...The music swells, and we buy it, right?  So when my date kisses me, and l don't hear strings, l dump him.
             
The question is, why do we buy it? Because, myth or manipulation, we all want to fall in love. That experience makes us feel completely alive.  Our everyday reality is shattered, and we are flung into the heavens. lt may only last a moment, an hour, but that doesn't diminish its value. We're left with memories we treasure for the rest of our lives.  l read, ''When we fall in love, we hear Puccini in our heads.''  l love that. His music expresses our need for passion and romantic love. We listen to La Bóheme or Turandot, or read Wuthering Heights,  or watch Casablanca, and a little of that love lives in us too.
             
So the final question is: Why do people want to fall in love when it can have such a short run and be so painful? Propagation of the species? We need to connect with somebody. Are we culturally preconditioned? Good, but too intellectual for me. l think it's because, as some of you may already know ... While it does last, it feels f*&%ing great."

Isn't that just a great scene! I think I'll use it in class when we talk about Love. :-) Do you remember those "Love is..." comics? Hmm...I think I'll pose that question to my students. Make them come up with one each. That could be quite interesting.  

You know another thing that I realized was the director or editor of The Lake House left in the audio of the kissing. You know that lovely little sweet sound of the release of your kiss. Usually in movies music plays over it & you don't hear any of that. It really does make a difference in your feeling the emotions of them. I never realized that before today.

I think the lines that get me the most are:

(Something like this...trying to remember...)Kate & Alex are sitting on the porch. Katie is explaining to Alex what Jane Austen's plot of Persuasion is about...

"These two people get together & almost fall in love, but the timing isn't right. Then after many years they get a 2nd chance but they wonder...Has too much time past? Is it too late? Will it work (last one?)?"

I think all of life is "timing!" I suppose for good or bad, but it is also the risks we take. Like with the plot she is describing...will they take the risk & try again, and again & again if need be. Is it worth trying again, taking the risk & finding out. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose...or is there something to lose? The dream, the fantasy! That fantasy person we create in our mind. You know for some they would rather have the fantasy because it can stay and not be ruined by a reality of a "real, live person who is human & does have flaws". Don't get me wrong, fantasies are great, but why not balance the two. Keep a few fantasies (I'm keeping mine about Tom, Pierce, Antonio etc!) But take that risk, play out some of your fantasies & then create new ones to play out later.

Of course I also believe everything in life happens for a reason & a purpose...well sometimes not in the moment, but when I settle a bit. We may not always get what we want though...my timing always seems to stink, or well maybe it is just "not yet" or for a reason I don't realize yet. Hmmm...but perhaps when we don't get what we want it is the best thing for us? We can learn a different perspective, grow and use this for the future. Maybe not take others for granted, love them with our whole heart...maybe with someone new, maybe on a 3rd, 4th etc chance in the future! :-) Ok, we'll think about this for awhile & see what else we come up with...

What Are You Thinking???

This is a great example of why I just shake my head when people say one can think too much! HA! The problem is there is NOT ENOUGH thinking in society! Give me a break. Or I suppose you can say their thinking is flawed...yes that I will agree to. Now sometimes that can be because others have not provided enough information or are not explaining themselves well or do not explain how they feel, so someone can't figure things out correctly...sorry...where did that come from! HA! BUT...ha...something like this....

Did you all see this on John's journal? This woman calls 911 because Burger King did not make her order "Her Way". You have to listen to it. It is soooo pathetic!

I'm just thinking her poor kids, if she has them or God who is the man who picked her? Geez! He deserves her if he is going to marry someone like that. Can you imagine her on a daily basis. It would drive me nuts. Why would a guy want that kinda of life? I'm sorry, certainly at the core, I feel compassion for the woman. I'm sorry she is like this & just doesn't have a clue apparently. Maybe she is under extreme stress or didn't come in the world with the ability but....funny thing is I know someone who would probably do this! Ugh! This woman should be arrested for tying up the lines for real emergencies!

I can certainly believe it is an authentic call & that there have been many like this. Amazing what people do in this world. Ha! I remember a friend of mine said when she was a little girl she called the police on her older brother because he stole her teddy bear & would not give it back. Isn't that the cutest! Iactually love it. Even then, don't mess with her! HA! The police actually talked to her brother & got him in a bit of trouble! HA!

Well, mom wants to go see The Lake House so I'm going to get ready & head up by her. I love that movie! ;-) Sept. 29th I'll be getting my copy! Hee, Hee! Gotta get a few things, work on some projects for my students & maybe head to a fest, if the foot cooperates! So what are you all doing this weekend?