Moment of Silence for Pam

Not sure how many of you I will catch in 10 min but Pam's memorial service will start CA time at Noon I believe which will be in about 9 min. I thought a moment of silence might be nice. Even probably within the next hour or so if you took a min to think of her family & send them some prayers of strength for right now it might be helpful. I believe it will be.

Also if you got to Pam's tribute for the newspaper obits you can send a message to the family. It is up to 9 pages of messages currently! You should see all the people from around the world leaving messages! Tells you how loved she IS!!!  

Dreams & Wishes!

Natalie has a lovely poem "Will You Meet Me In Your Dreams" which is being higlighted in CarnivAOL that I love! I think we all can relate to meeting someone in ours (or their) dreams! :-) It reminds me of Diamond Rio's song "One More Day" (Watch Video) which I love but it makes me cry all the time! :-(

I love the "Will you Dance with Me" in the poem. I would add...

Hold My Hand Again
Kiss me
Hug me/Hold me

Oh boy...better stop there.... ;-)

Family, Holidays & Night Crawlers

I couldn't journal on Easter when I got home after reading that Pam had passed away. It also feels odd now even posting so soon, but I think this would also be best to do & she wouldn't want us not to.

Ok, I'll go slowly...

Well that is me in the picture outside my maternal grandparents house. Look at those cars! HA! You know my mom still has that Easter Basket! HA! Ahhhh! I was headed to bless baskets I'm sure! You know I can still tell you who use to live in those houses & sometime I'll have to tell you about the lady who has a burger place around the corner...she is still there!!!!I have no idea how old she is.

On Holy Thursday we'd go to dinner, sometimes I think mass & then you would go to visit 7 churches to see the decorations and say prayers. Now where my folks grew up (they only lived a few blocks from each other) there are churches every couple of blocks so many would walk it. Some churches just had lovely flower displays but others would have a whole last supper table display etc. Friday was coloring Easter Eggs, making cakes etc. Saturday we blessed baskets and beg our mom to eat some of the Easter Candy.  We couldn't eat the blessed stuff until Easter & man was that hard as a kid....ok it is still hard to do! HA! As I got older we blessed baskets at a church where are favorite priest was pastor. He was a young priest when my folks were young. He knew my grandparents generation & so we've known him a long time. He'd come to our family parties, married I don't know how many of us. As he would get to my family, he would take pleasure drowning us with the holy water & announcing to the whole church that we really needed it! UGH! :-) Last year he past away before Easter. Actually he was burried on my birthday & it was extremely difficult for me. I can't believe it has been a year now. I miss you Uncle Richie!

Now I guess I should explain how Easter use to be. When I was a kid Easter brunch was rotated to a different relative's house each year. Christmas Eve was always at our house since it was my dad's birthday but Easter was different. We would have...hmmm let me count...about 40+ people. That is including kids & then later as we got older it grew higher with spouses & their kids. With each year though of course some passed away & in laws for those who got married reduced it as well. We would have our traditional Polish brunch. Now when my folks were young it may have included other items (Christmas too) but what I remember is home made bread, cold chopped up Fresh & Smoked Polish Sausage, Ham and Eggs. We would haveBoszcz (soup made with sausage water & sour salt...definitely an aquired taste!) where you could put the sausage, ham & egg in it. I was looking on the internet now to find a recipe & the one they have are with beets & we never had that. It was a white one. I'll have to ask mom! Then in the evening a hot ham with the trimmings. All the kids would get into their Easter baskets and if the weather was good get grass stains all over their new Easter clothes! HA!

Now with each year our big extended family has slowly moved away, in laws came in the picture etc so it has not been very big. This year my folks remained in AZ it turned out I went to my sisters & one of my brothers came. The other? I have no clue! He was invited & called many times! His loss. Seems so odd since I remember (& LOVED!) the big family parties we use to have. I went to dinner, mass & 7 churches with my cousins up north. It was really fun. I was kinda sad since I have been going since college with my folks & they would not be here this year but it was different but really fun. My uncle is a hoot! I journaled about this earlier! Well we had the sausage, ham & eggs for brunch & then warm ham dinner but didn't get to make the soup...well considering it is just my dad & I left who really like it, I figured I can make it some other time. My sis gave us a chocolate bunny! :-) Mine now looks like the cartoon...he can't hear! HA! We actually watched the last Harry Potter in the afternoon! Just not the same! My nieces were with their mom this year so I still have to give them their baskets.

Ok, I suppose you are wondering about that 3rd item in my title! HA! The Night Crawlers...well you see we had pretty bad storms Easter Sunday & so when I was leaving my brother was helping me out with all my bags. The last trip down I went with to leave & he forwarned me about all the worms out. Now let me just say first, I don't hate worms. I feed my turtles superworms, I LOVE fishing & I do put my own worms on my hooks, but I don't particular care for stepping on them & making them squish, especially with fancy tongs sandles. Lovely white ones with a great gold medallion on the top my foot! :-) Well I didn't even see them or say anything to my brother as it was dark already. He just right away says, watch out for the worms. I'm like "worms?"  He then tells me "left", "right" etc as we are walking along the sidwalk. Isn't that sweet. Even one time said "Just a stick" I was laughing so hard. Reminds me of Twister, "'Left...Right...Cow..." HA! He is a sweetie at times! Especially on Thursday...I called him 3 times...went on "explorations" :-) Had to find out how to still end up where I wanted to be. I was up north by to see the doc & shop a bit before my tour of the churches. He is a human map! A few weeks ago he even said to me he & my nieces would take care of me if I came up by him with my headache! I tell ya! We are going to the Depeche Mode Concert together next month. I got him hooked. Took him once when I was in college. I had a friend in college who introduced me to them. Ahhh the 80s music! HA! So no worm was actually harmed on Easter! :-) HA! Would have been a great time to collect them though & go fishing! Remember that scene in Grumpier Old Men? That is the kinda fishing I would like! HA!

Oh speaking of going to the doctor...apparently I have a sinus infection so major antibiotics now. Yep, eating yogurt! Good thing is it may get rid of the headaches I've been having. Two of these HUGE horse pills twice a day. Man! That may have been the problem this time last year. They said the year before I was actually treated for one so maybe with all the funerals I had last year I didn't realize & didn't go in. I don't have a fever or a lot of obvious symptoms but fluid in my right ear again & other symptoms she could see. We only have 3 weeks before finals week so I'm very happy to catch this before it gets worse.

Ok, well that was my more subdued & quiet Easter this year. It was still nice but maybe next year my nieces will at least been in. Holidays are just so much more fun through the eyes of children aren't they. 

Pam is an Angel Girl Now!

I am saddened to hear of Pam's passing away tonight! Links are below. I always called Pam "Angel Girl" because she was just an angel to all of us. So inspiring & full of life & cheerful. I hope she would not mind me including this picture in my posting, but if someone reading this did not know about Pam I want you to see who this INCREDIBLE spirit was! Look at that smile! That is what she would want us all to remember! I also wanted to let you know she has two beautiful children who I know are in much pain tonight. Pam loved them with all her heart & I know her first thoughts would be of their welfare.

I didn't think this would happen so soon with Pam's spirit being such a strong one. She has fought this battle of lung cancer so bravely! My aunt had gone through this about 15 yrs ago now.  

Pam inspired many of us in JLand & JLand will never be the same without her.  If you never read Pam's journal, I really suggest you start from the beginning & read an entry a day & you will understand why so many of us have been so blessed to have her in our lives, even if just virtually.

You know I was just thinking of her in heaven now & being able to look down on all of us & actually getting to realize how many people she gave joy to & seeing all of us in JLand! Seeing what we look like & where her words spread across the globe. That brings a smile through the tears.

Pam's First Journal

Pam's New Journal

Announcement on her Passing

I also want to share these two pieces with all of you at this time. The first was read at one of my relatives last spring & the second at my colleague's daughter's funeral last fall. She had died tragically in the Chicago train crash.

1st Piece:

The Water Bug Story

Down below the surface of a quiet pond lived a little colony of water bugs. They were a happy colony, living far away from the sun. For many months they were very busy, scurrying over the soft mud on the bottom of the pond. They did notice that every once in a while one of their colony seemed to lose interest in going about with its friends. Clinging to the stem of a pond lily, it gradually moved out of sight and was seen no more.

"Look!" said one of the water bugs to another, "one of our colony is climbing up the lily stalk. Where do you think she's going?" Up, up, up it slowly went... Even as they watched, the water bug disappeared from sight. It's friends waited and waited but it didn't return...

 

"That's funny!" said one water bug to another...

 

" Wasn't she happy here?" asked a second...

 

"Where do you suppose she went?" wondered a third...

 

No one had an answer. They were greatly puzzled.

 

Finally one of the water bugs gathered its friends together. "I have an idea. The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk must promise to come back and tell us where he or she went and why." "We promise" they said solemnly.

 

One spring day not long after the very water bug who had suggested the plan found himself climbing up the lily stalk. Up, up, up he went. Before he knew what was happening, he had broken through the surface of the water and fallen into the broad and free lily pad above.

 

When he awoke, he looked about with surprise. He couldn't believe what he saw. A startling change had come over his old body. His movement revealed four silver wings and a long tail.

 

Even as he struggled, he felt an impulse to move his wings... The warmth of the sun soon dried the moisture from his new body. He moved his wings again and suddenly found himself above the water.

 

He had become a dragonfly. Swooping and dipping in great curves, he flew through the air. He felt exhilarated in the new atmosphere.

 

By and by the new dragonfly landed happily on a lily pad to rest. Then it was that he chanced to look below to the bottom of the pond. Why, he was right above his old friends, the water bugs! There they were scurrying around, just as he had been doing some time before.

 

Then the dragonfly remembered the promise. Without thinking, the dragonfly darted down.

 

Suddenly he hit the surface of the water and bounced away. Now that he was a dragonfly, he could no longer go into the water...

 

"I can't return!" he said in dismay. "At least I tried. But I can't keep my promise. Even if I could go back, not one of the water bugs would know me in my new body. I guess I'll just have to wait until they become dragonflies too.

 

Then they'll understand what has happened to me, and where I went."

 

And the dragonfly winged off happily into its wonderful new world of sun and air...

2nd Piece:

There is a story told of two men, one old, one young. One day, the young man was showing people how absolutely beautiful and perfect his heart was. And it was as beautiful and perfect as the day he was born.

When the old man happened by this young one, he shook his head. “Oh, young one,you believe your heart is perfect, but have you loved? Have you been loved?”

As the young man contemplated this, the old man removed his own heart to show those who were gathered. His heart was gnarly. There were huge chunks missing, pieces sewn in haphazardly, little pieces/big pieces all together in one big lump of a heart.

“You see, young man, all of the pieces that are missing are pieces that I gave to people when I loved them. The bigger the piece, the bigger the love.”

“The same goes for the pieces sown in; those are from people who have loved me.”

“Thus, my heart is greater than yours, because I have loved.”

The young man fell to his feet, tearing a chunk from his heart, pleading with the old man to take it. The old man took a chunk from his own heart to give the boy. Thus, a friendship was born.

I think of Pam with a huge heart from all the people she touched & every one of us has pieces of hers in ours! :-)

Happy Easter

Just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Easter...technically it is Easter! :-) Haven't seen the Easter Bunny yet but if he plans on hiding any eggs here or dropping off some chocolate he'll have to wait about another hour as I'm still coloring eggs! HA! I know pathetic but well mom & dad are in AZ so this is the first year I'm not doing them with them or my nieces on Friday. We usually get them & the rest of our easter baskets blessed on Sat but guess this year will be different. Perhaps it is better. It would be the first year without Father "Uncle" Richie drowning my family with the holy water! He'd always announce to the whole church we really needed it! HA! I really miss him!
  

I did go to 7 churches on Holy Thursday. Usually I go with mom & dad but this year I went with my aunt & uncle and my cousins & I had a blast. First we went to church up north where my cousin built a house. New church & it was lovely. My cousin's little 14 month old is a hoot. She only says a few words but knows over 40 signs, one of which is Monkey (hand under armpit & then monkey sound) because I bought her for her birthday "5 Little Monkey's Jumping the Bed" book which came with a glove & monkeys on each finger. Well in the middle of mass she starts making the monkey sign & sound! We were all cracking up. Probably Father Richie from Heaven saying we are all a bunch of monkeys! HA! Storms rolled in, spectacular lightning but we still had fun. Dinner at Portillos & then there was a bad start with 1 car (out of 4 at first!) getting lost. Actually, I can't say anything since I went on "explorations" 3 times that day! HA! But I had fun & found some new places so hey it was meant to be! My uncle is a hoot. He is like my dad...fast, one liners. Like my cousin made a comment that she should of brought "the sheet" meaning the piece of paper with the church names & he says, "well at least a pillow case"...ugh! Then when it was raining he says, "April Showers, so she closes the curtain." Ugh! This is the man who when I met him for the first time when he was going to marry my aunt I was coloring with my sis & he says, "Mmm I love the green crayons, they taste so good!" I'm thinking this good is a bit odd. Now, I'm not too sure that was such a great idea to say to a kid! HA! Eventually, we all packed into my cousins big SUV which was much better. When I was a kid you would walk to all the churches because in the Chicago area there is a church like every couple of blocks. My aunt, uncle & I talked about this. Chicago was pretty much sectioned, not purposely but just all your relatives lived nearby. You'd have the polish area, german, irish etc. So then you would have churches for those who lived in that area. I crashed at my folks house because we didn't finish until like 12:30am!

My nieces won't be in so it will just be my sis & I think only 1 bro? The other one has not been heard from lately...goofy boy! His loss. I think a few friends may end up coming too. We're decending upon my sis! HA! I should be sleeping. Just a bit more coloring & I should be...YA! Had to take those nasty Antibiotics so I had to eat something with it.

I actually have a cute bunny hanging around my place lately! I wonder if there will be baby bunnies soon? Hopefully the lawncare will not disturb them. I don't really want to be feeding baby bunnies. My mom had a knack for always finding abandoned bunnies & bringing them home. No wonder I have a zoo! HA!

Have some fun:

PaZing (Easter Bunny Pong!)

I thought this was hysterical when I found it! HA! Well you know what they say about rabbits! Who Hoo!

Left 2 pix for you to enlarge to see better! This one was too funny! Anyone want to have fun making a caption?

Check out:

Peep Jousting

Peep Research

I can't believe I'm going to say this! Ugh! You know they just don't make things like they use to (shaking head!) Ugh! I was fine with the single colors but I just finished the swirl ones. Now my family has done these since I was a little girl. The dye we use to get came in little bottles with bunny head/ears as the cap. They worked great! Now they have these package ones & they are horrible! They don't mix well so it is just oil. They are not bright colors! Just horrible! I'm going to get my pictures out from when I was a kid & send them to this company & tell them to get their act together or get out of the business! HA! Now I just have to pray I can get them to my sis' without cracking them all. Remember "Truvy's" eggs in "Steel Magnolias" HA!

One other note to self...don't get manicure until after I color eggs! HA! Good thing there isn't anyone around tonight...I would leave a trail of "where I had been during the night!" HA!!!! Can you imagine explaining that one to the relatives when you show up for dinner! HA! Well I hope the Easter Bunny is good to you! I better get in bed & get some zzzzzzz! Oh man, I just put brand new sheets on my bed. If there is even one spot of color this company is going to be buying me new sheets. Maybe I'll use my Mary Kay scrub first. Ok, have fun!

Where's My Gym Shoes?

Anyone know where my gym shoes are???  Ugh! HA! Ok, I live by myself...ok with my zoo but still...small place & I can't find my gym shoes? This is pretty pathetic. Think my babies are playing games with me?

"Hide the shoes...she'll stay home & play with us!" Maybe it is revenge for a few late nights & them having to wait for their dinner?

I did go shopping for them though. Found a Natural Pet store up north that has organic & natural products in their foods. Freeze dried & frozen treats & food...cool. I have a spreadsheet going on what they like & don't like. It was also near a Whole Foods so I got to get some organic groceries too! :-) (Don't you think AOL needs to put a smiley's button on the journals so we can use all the smileys available for email!)

I've looked in my "typical places" but they're missing. "Someone stole them" Ha! Did you hear Jeff Foxworthy's routine on when guys yell someone stole the remote! Ha! His wife is so funny!

HA! Found them. Opened box lid was down & hiding them underneath! They weren't in the typical spots though so...

I found this book on the internet  & it is cool. Apparently, these magic shoes will let you do anything you want when you have them on. Ahhhh...wouldn't that be nice? Interesting! Hmmm? Have to think about this some more!

What would you do if you could put these shoes on & do anything you wanted? :-)  

Self Exploration

I got this from Jessica! I thought it looked like fun & worth exploring to see what I would actually come up with.

I AM:  Feeling Achy...probably the rainy weather.

I WANT:  A long vacation on a beach to lay in the sun, walk quietly & find sea shells & listen to the ocean waves & sea gulls. Even better would be to move to the beach! :-)

I WISH: I could move to the beach...or woods with a lake.  

I HATE: Well my Grandma said never to "Hate" but what would come close is people who judge but see isn't that judging them and hating them is just as bad. Ok how about this...I hate being in pain.  

I MISS: HIM!

I FEAR: Hmmm? People who hate! HA! But I guess that would be true & reasonable.

I HEAR:  My chimes on my deck & Grumpy Old Men Movie.

I WONDER: If he still thinks of me.....

I LOVE: Babies & Children....LOVE! Flowers, cats, really most animals, my family, Vanilla Bean Cheesecake at TGI Fridays (well I do! Ha!), Christmas, surprising people, gardening, being on the beach or in the woods, being loved & loving someone, helping others learn & changing their lives for the better, Noel's artwork, Moonflower scent at the Body Shop, when I'm out of pain, chocolate, gummy bears in Malibu Rum & Pineapple juice (yes, someone understands that Ha!)...this can just go on forever! :-)
 

I ALWAYS: But I'm a psych prof...there are no "Always" or "Nevers" :-) Hmmm? I always "try" to give love, learn, and help others.

I AM NOT: PERFECT....and others better accept that and not expect it!

I AM NOT ALWAYS: able to think clearly when I am hurt by someone.

I NEED: Love! Doesn't everyone? Just like LeeLoo!

I SHOULD: have told him how I felt about him!